Face of Faith

Onward and Upward....

2012-02-10T11:00:00.000-08:00

Wednesday Februray 8, 2012 was a day to celebrate and with help from many, we did just that. It's hard to tell it all with words, or even with pictures as so much was communicated within hearts, but I will try.

The day started with Emma's whole school gathering on the front lawn to cheer her on and wave her goodbye with hugs and tears and smiling kids.

Walking toward the hospital for what seems like the thousandth time...familiar yet uncomfortable territory.

Waiting in the lobby for her Electrocardiogram....chemo can affect the heart....

Finally our turn

After a short break and some lunch....we now wait again at the clinic.

The position I was in this whole year....by her side, unable to take on the treatment myself....trying to comfort her and help her to be strong.

Last run....

Proud of her photo....joining the ranks of other warriors in the battle.

A surprise limo ride home from the hospital....she couldn't believe it was for her. When we arrived home, the kids all wanted to see inside and sit in the seats....they were so happy for her and celebrated right along with Emma.

Some welcome signs for her arrival home

The balloon surprise....it was so awesome!

She read some of the notes right away....the words mean so much to her.

Soaking it in

That's a whole lot of love and a year's worth of fighting hard represented in those balloons!

Letting it go

Celebration cupcakes made by Emma Kait's namesake....Kaitlin

Reading the words

Look hard....up in that clear blue sky....can you see? God is here, taking the burden from us as He has this entire journey. Those are balloons that represent so much.....

And when we walked back into our house, after all our extended family left for the evening....this was my reminder. WE HAVE HOPE!

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness."

Jeremiah 31:3

-Rebecca

Just a peak....

2012-02-08T20:01:00.000-08:00

Our day is over. We are spending time as a family and soaking in the love that was shared with Emma today through your notes of encouragement. She loved it. We loved it. She had her 15th and final dose of IV chemo today and we celebrated. I will post tomorrow and share all the photos that tell the story of today....but tonight, we rest.

Thank you for your love.

-Rebecca

Getting There

2012-02-02T10:03:00.000-08:00


Emma Kait- February 1, 2012

This was Emma yesterday afternoon walking into her 43rd clinic visit. 43 appointments and each of them represents a needle access into her port for blood work, questions about how she feels, vital signs taken and scrutiny over any physical symptom she has experienced. As I walked behind her to snap this picture, my thoughts were focused on how much she's grown up in the past year. She is a different person. I am again struck with how much a child grows up in a year's time and I'm amazed at the change Emma experienced. She was a little girl last year when the scary diagnosis of Lymphoma hit us in the gut. She wore flowers in her long hair and had the carefree outlook on life that every 10 year old child should have. That all changed in one day. She is now a beautiful young lady of 11 years old who wears stylish dark rimmed glasses, spunky boots and a cute pink beret over her sporty short hair. She was listening to Taylor Swift on her ipod and asked me on the way out of the clinic, "Mom, when did you start to wear makeup?" She is more concerned and worried about things sometimes, but also has more faith and a peace about her that is beyond understanding. I'm so proud of her.

Her counts were 1300....the lowest they have been in several months. It didn't surprise me because of how hard the last round of chemo hit her...I'm imagining her body fighting harder to recover from the effects of the drugs each time she is dosed with them.

We scheduled next week's appointment for her final dose of chemo and also discussed the next few weeks of recovery, follow-up testing (PET scan, CT scan, MRI, Echo-cardiogram, blood panels, etc) and finally scheduling the surgery to remove her port (which she wants to keep as a souvenir). It all makes me nervous, happy, anxious, relieved and hopeful.....we are getting there.

This is posted in the clinic as you leave.....it's a good reminder for all of us.

-Rebecca

Hard Days

2012-01-25T09:23:00.000-08:00

Sleeping and healing with her pal Hank

Emma has had a few hard days of feeling pretty tired, headachey and nauseous following her 14th round of chemo last week. It's really the way I was imagining she would have been feeling the entire course of treatment, but thankfully, it has been a rarity. I can tell she doesn't feel good when she walks around with a furrowed brow and her lips pressed together like she just tasted something gross. She fights hard to feel good and even got dressed for school yesterday, made her lunch and rode in the car all the way to the sidewalk, and just couldn't get out of the car. I drove her home and she promptly cuddled up on the couch and fell asleep for the next four hours....hard. I had to remove her glasses after an hour when I realized they were making permanent indentations in her cheek and she didn't even notice.

She wanted to try to go to school today, but I have to say, I saw the same furrowed brow and pressed together lips on the ride there, so I'm kind of waiting for the phone call.

Emma holding one of the eight new Mini Dachshund puppies.

Thankfully, we only have one more of these rounds to get through and then her little body can start to cleanse itself from all the medications and bombardment of foreign chemicals that have entered her bloodstream every three weeks for the last year. I'm so looking forward to that.....I can't imagine how much more she is looking forward to feeling back to her self again. Thank you for continuing to hold her up in prayer. She needs it now, just as much as in the beginning. This little traveler is getting weary on her journey.

At the BMX Nationals in Reno, Nevada with her brothers and Dad

In case you missed out on the email or Facebook invitation, we are planning a low key, but personal and meaningful celebration for Emma Kait on her final day of chemo...February 8, 2012. We are going to surprise her with helium balloons filling her room when she returns home. We hope to have notes of encouragement from many of her supporters tied to the strings of the balloons. We will then remove the notes, before releasing the balloons into the air, marking an end to a very long and difficult year for our family. If you would like to send a note to her, please email it to rebecca3kids@hotmail.com and we will print it and attach it to a white, silver or pink balloon. Thank you so much for your love, support and cheering her on! We have not traveled this road alone.

At the Keaton Raphael Memorial Foundation Christmas Party-December 2011

-Rebecca

30 Days

2012-01-11T20:08:00.000-08:00

This past Tuesday was another milestone in Emma's treatment....January 10, 2012. That day marked the 30 day countdown until her last clinical dose of chemotherapy and the celebration of the end of her formal treatment of stage 3 Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma. I can still barely believe that this was part of our life. I can hardly wait to celebrate with her that huge accomplishment.....the fact that she had cancer and she beat it. Cancer....my child....faced it head on and with so much grace. She stayed strong and brave and courageous through countless needle sticks and tests and machines and hospital stays and appointments and losing her hair and gaining weight and headaches and vomiting and sleepless nights and swallowing pills and and mood swings and disappointments. We can also look back and celebrate the support that was shown, the love that was showered upon us, the generosity that was given and the prayers that were offered....all on her behalf.

In a way she was blessed because she got sick. Not blessed to be sick, but blessed in spite of being sick. She got a glimpse into the ability of humans to show deep kindness and love to one another, love to her as an individual, love for Emma Kait. What a gift to be given at the young age of 10. If only all kids could have the opportunity to know and see how much they are loved and supported by their family and community.....it was wonderful for her and we will never forget it.

A year ago we were in the hospital room in Roseville thinking she had a mysterious staph infection that wouldn't respond to antibiotics. We now sit on the brink of finishing 15 rounds of chemotherapy and countless physical hurdles. It's simply amazing how fast this year has gone by for us. Partly it's been a blur due to just taking one day at a time and not being able to look around and take in the surrounding details. It's also been a year full of forced rest and bonding as a family and redirected priorities. Sometimes the things that shake us the most, cause us to move into the directions we need most....our families, our friends, our community and our Lord. If only we could get there without such trying circumstances....but maybe that's not the way God works all the time. Sometimes He whispers to us, and sometimes He allows challenges to remind us that we are not in control, but we are being carried and cared for in every detail of our life by One stronger and larger than any hurdle put in our path.

Thank you dear friends for being a part of this story....Emma Kait's journey......all of our journey of increasing faith.

The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?

-Proverbs 20:24

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.

-Psalm 16:8

The Lord gives His people strength.

The Lord blesses them with peace.

-Psalm 29:11

Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

-Psalm 139:10

-Rebecca

Thoughts and words from Emma

2012-01-04T18:21:00.000-08:00

***Updated photos at the end of post.....

Hi everybody. I am doing pretty well. I am just getting past my sleepy/head achy stage of my chemo round. So when I go back to school I will be in tip-top shape:) School is going awesome!! I love my teacher. He explains things very well and digs deeper into the subject. I am soooooo exited that I only have two chemos left!! We have two mini dachshunds. We have a 1 year old boy Hank and a 4 year old girl Ellie. Ellie is pregnant! Like the rest of my family I am waiting. . . and waiting for the puppies to come. She is absolutely huge!! We think she will have three-four puppies. My mom and dad say we can't keep any. They think three dogs is enough so we will find good homes for them. I have been measuring Ellie's belly and it is growing! I think she is at her max which is 23 1/2 inches round.

Ellie and Hank sleeping

		School is going to be here sooner then we know, but I am VERY thankful that I have no HOMEWORK!! On New Year's Eve my family and I were brainstorming on what we wanted to do in the new year. My ideas were: read one book a month, fix "the 70" so I can ride it ( which is a motorcycle), and join swim team. I also want to go back to soccer and dance. . . FINALLY! I know that is kinda a long list but this year I have missed some things I love to do! We have a lot of trips and tasks ahead of us in the new year, but at the same time FULL of fun!!
Hank loves Ellie

Emma Kait

Ellie with her puppies

Eight puppies total arrived Friday 1-6-11 all healthy and strong after 12 hours of labor!

Reflections

2011-12-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

I sit in our decorated and glowing living room with white Christmas lights sparkling up our tree and I can't help but reflect on what 2011 brought to our family. Friends and family's Christmas cards are arriving in the mailbox and as I sat at the computer ordering our own today, I was flooded with images and emotions from our very full and very hard and very blessed beyond imagination year.

We had an very unwelcome visitor to our life. One that we could not plan for or understand, but we were met with people around us, the love to carry us and the strength beyond understanding.

I read words today from another blog that resonated with my heart, and I pray finds roots in Emma's soul...

"It isn’t about the cancer, it isn’t about what it has the ability to do to our bodies, it isn’t about the treatments or the part of us it takes away; its about the journey. Its about rediscovering the parts of yourself that you never ever knew or dreamed existed, and giving them room to grow and room to take flight. Its about seeing life through cancers eyes and being better because of it, being more whole and more alive despite it....I am still a daughter. I am still a daughter of the King. I am still the same that I was before I found out that I had cancer, just a ~~little more~~ a lot more mature and a heck of a lot less naive. I still have the same heart, the same dreams, the same desires. I am still me, cancer can't take that away.

It only made me stronger."

-especiallyheather.com

I know this year of treatment has has irreversible effects on Emma. I am praying that those experiences are for her to stand on as she grows into the girl and woman God created her to be. He knew this journey would be a part of her forever, and the challenges that she has had, the understanding that she has gained, the power of love that has been shown to her can only be for her good. She is stronger.

She triumphantly faced chemo round #12 last week. Tonight is her last dose of prednisone and 6MP for this round. She came home and finished her homework and went to school the next day after chemo and took a science and math test. She is my hero.

Chemo round #13 is set for December 28....then only two left. We are getting there. The end is in sight.

Fun

2011-11-10T11:36:00.000-08:00

I was scrolling through the last few weeks of family pictures in preparation for a new blog post and realized that Jon labeled the folders on the computer as simply "fun". This is a small word that has big meaning for us this year. The last few weeks have been filled with just that....fun. We have been breathing easier and smiling more and feeling lighter on our feet. The fact that the end of treatment is in sight might be part of that feeling for us, but also, I think that God has been giving us repeated moments of life to savor and appreciate and relax. Life is not all hard, all dark, all scary. Moments of that, yes......but more times of life and light and love. God is all about that, and we notice it and appreciate it more than ever.

In October and so far in November we've celebrated Joseph's soccer team winning their first ever championship in a soccer tournament.....Ben and Jon visited Legoland for a belated birthday trip from last February......Had cousins visit from LA.....Participated in the Light the Night Walk with good friends.......Halloween fun with the family......Joseph turned 13!!!.....Witnessed our niece Grace get dedicated to God and celebrated with Jon's sister Anissa and her husband Chris.....Jon and Rebecca escaped life for a few days and travelled to Southern California to visit our college campus and see some friends as well as slip in a trip to the beach in Santa Monica and a day at Disneyland.......and Emma Kait reached round 10 of chemotherapy and had high counts the rest of the month.

1st Place U-13 boys Davis Legacy Cup

The "Auburn Boys"

Boys day at Legoland

Light the Night

A Knight, a Butterfly Princess and a Trash Can

Chris, Anissa and Baby Grace

Joseph's 13th birthday

Point Loma.....memories

Love

Hope

Joy

All fun, all smiles and all love.

Next Wednesday Emma enters round #11 and we are looking forward to the holidays as we gather with family in thanks and celebrate the birth of Jesus and to be filled with more hope, more love and more joy. We are getting through this, and it's been full of blessings.

Together

2011-10-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

Walk with Emma Kait was on October 1, and I'm just now able to post about it on October 20, not because of Emma's illness, not because of lack of motivation to share the beautiful pictures of that day, but because of the shear busyness of life.....thankfully our life that resembles our old life....soccer, piano, school projects, girl scouts, more soccer, house and yard work.....with only a few reminders that we are still dealing with effects and treatment of Lymphoma. Emma has not missed a single day of school yet this year! We celebrate and are so thankful for her continued strength and health in the midst of chemotherapy and steroids. I pick her up every Wednesday at lunchtime and we drive to the clinic for either her weekly blood test or chemo (every 21 days). She loves school and it's so hard to take her away, but each time we drive the stretch of freeway down to Sacramento, I'm thankful we are not rushing her down there with a fever or worse. It's such a blessing that we have not stepped foot in the hospital since June! We were at the clinic yesterday and her counts were 1000, and we will return next week for round #10!

As I write this post, I have sitting on my kitchen table, two packages that I will put in the mail today.....one addressed to the Young Family and one addressed to the Lohner Family. We are so pleased and grateful to be able to help both families financially with the proceeds from Emma's Walk. Each family is receiving a check and some t-shirts from the walk. With your help, over $1200 dollars were raised and we split those funds between the two families and donated $200 to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society for the Light the Night Walk this upcoming Saturday. We could not have done it without you....in fact you, our friends, family and new friends are what have kept us going this past almost 9 months.....you promised to stand by us, love us and support us and you have. We have walked this far in our journey.....together. We will never be the same and we will never forget. Thank you!

Here are some photos of the day as well as links to two other generous photographers who captured images for us. Thank you Charlotte and Mr. Ryan.

Walk with Emma Kait (slide show) from Charlottle

Donahue Photography (any photo can be downloaded for free from this site) Thank you Mr. Ryan!

An finally, thank you a million times over to my generous and beautiful friend Jen with her company J and J Sports Productions, who organized, planned for, and executed the amazing day. We cannot thank you enough!

Jacob

2011-09-23T21:18:00.000-07:00

Jacob

Here is the other brave soul we would like to help from Walking with Emma Kait.....this is Jacob. We've known Jacob for many years from church, have witnessed him playing capture the flag with Joseph at youth group events, have heard him play the violin beautifully at a Christmas Eve service and have loved their family in our close knit community. It was heartbreaking to hear of his diagnosis of severe Aplastic Anemia and we spent many months praying for his health and healing. We ran into his mom Teresa at one of our first surgery appointments at Sutter, before we knew....before we switched over to the oncology side of the office. The two sign-in windows are a mere 3 feet apart in the clinic yet worlds apart in reality for us.

Our first night in the hospital, I was shell-shocked, stunned, unable to form rational thoughts or plans, nor even begin to think about needs other that Emma and her diagnosis and Teresa gave me a gift. She gave me her sleeping pad to add to the very hard hospital bed/chair that parents are given to sleep in the corner of their child's room. She had been there for many nights and knew what could help me at least attempt a better night's sleep. It was a small token of love and care that will forever remind me that even the little gestures can mean the world to a person in pain or grief or worry. Thank you Teresa.

After many months of declining heath, Jacob received a bone marrow transplant on June 16, 2011. He is such a brave kid who demonstrated fearless optimism to Emma each time he would say hi to her on the pediatric oncology floor, in the playroom at the hospital, or plopping down on her hospital bed to compare new apps for their iPads while petting the hospital therapy dog.

Jacob, Emma and Hazel the dog

Here is more of Jacob's story and the link to his blog HERE

Jacob, age 15, has aplastic anemia.

On July 6, 2010, Jacob was diagnosed with severe aplastic anemia, a potentially fatal condition in which his body’s bone marrow does not produce enough new blood cells. Doctors at UCSF have determined that a bone marrow transplant was critical for Jacob to live a long and healthy life. He has undergone two different types of chemotherapy to wipe out his damaged bone marrow, followed by a transplant. Jacob and his mother are staying San Francisco, near the hospital for six to seven months.

Jacob lives in Lincoln, California with his mother and sister. Jacob loves fishing, swimming, and skateboarding. One of his true passions is riding dirt bikes and he holds an American Bicycle Association BMX card. When not enjoying these outdoor activities, he plays the violin, trumpet, and flute.

Jacob has many months of healing and recovery ahead, and his mom Teresa has had several medical challenges of her own lately. We are so honored to be able to offer some relief, just as Teresa offered it to me that night of February 16, 2011.

Jacob was admitted back into the hospital for a fever yesterday. We are praying for you Jacob.

Little Emma

2011-09-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

Emma Jaine

Friends, we'd like you to meet Emma Jaine...or as we refer to her as "Little Emma". We met her family on the evening when we were admitted after hearing that afternoon that Emma Kait had cancer. I blogged about meeting Emma and her family in one of the first postings. You can read about it HERE.

We have stayed in contact with this family and often run into them at our appointments at the clinic. We've been hospitalized several times at the same time, but unfortunately we've never been able to share a room together.....maybe next time?

We were so touched by this strong family. Our Emma loves to see Little Emma's name on the sign in sheet at the clinic and laughs at the memory of Little Emma singing at the top of her lungs to the music from Mama Mia from the next door exam room.

We knew right away that we wanted to help this family with some of the proceeds from Emma's Walk as they have many medical expenses and extra testing to pay for during Little Emma's 3 year journey.

Here is more about her story and here is a link to her Carepages site: EmmaJaine
(you can search for her page with her name EmmaJaine with no spaces)

Emma Jaine's Story

written by Emma Jaine's Mom...

Emma is an absolutely amazing & perfect little girl who is battling against T-Cell Leukemia. Emma had a cold as many other children get regularly. We noticed that her breating was a little irregular and went to the pediatrician to be checked out. We were sent to the hospital for tests as the pediatrician thought Emma had pnemonia. We there discovered that her white blood cell count was nearly 78,000 with 15,000 being average... and further testing concluded the unfortunate diagnosis of Leukemia. We plan on staying positive and keeping all the faith that we are going to triumph over the disease and watch Emma go to her first day of kindergarten, her first date, graduating high school, getting married, having children and discovering the world in her own way! She is a fighter and will beat this! Emma is such a strong and feisty little girl and is fighting hard against this monster of a disease. She has had two doses of chemo and many, many doses of both steroids and antibiotics and has responded amazingly to them. We have a long & challenging 3 years ahead of us with the first year being the most critical and will destroy over 99% of the white blood cells. Unfortunatly the chemo doesn't simply destroy the nasty bad white blood cells but also kills off the good productive white blood cells as well. This completely wipes out her body's natural defense against infections and we will need to be more than extremely careful to keep germs away from her. We will be as preventitive as we possibly are able to. Emma and the family can use all the prayers we can get! We pray for Emma's body to fight off any possible infection and we pray that she is able to get rid of the immature destructive white cells and create healthy white blood cells. We pray that she responds amazingly to the treatments and help get her little body healthy once again. She is a happy, spunky little girl who DEFINITELY knows what she does and does not like. She is super independent and loves to do things on her own without help from mom and dad. She is also very vociferous and will let us know what wants and what she does not. She loves to color and loves stickers even more. She loves playing with her big sister Chloe and being adored by her big brother Jonah. She loves singing songs, reading books & playing outside. Emma's favorite movies at the moment are Monsters Inc. and Princess & the Frog. Emma's favorite foods are cheetos, pizza & m&m's.

We are so excited to be able to share with Emma and her family. You can see why they are so very special to us. We are in this fight together which started on the same day with our beautiful blond daughters with the common name.....EMMA.

Giving Back

2011-09-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

You know when something doesn't sit quite right in your soul....there is a stirring....a call to action.....a nudging of the Holy Spirit asking you to do something, but you are not quite sure what that something is, but when you finally realize it, your soul is at peace again and the unanswerable questions are solved?

That's kind of how it's been for me the past few weeks. I've realized that my heart has been hearing it, but my brain has taken a few weeks to catch up.

The Walking with Emma Kait benefit walk/run is approaching on Oct 1 and there was something about the planning that was not quite finished, I just didn't realize it. Our dear friend Jen, has been working in the background, planning, organizing, asking for volunteers, ordering number badges and t-shirts. She is working tirelessly on our behalf to help in the celebration of Emma's half way point of treatment. Many of you have already signed up to walk or run or serve as a volunteer. We thank you so much for your support.

There is more that this day needs to stand for.....a giving back.....a paying it forward.....a greater good than our own benefit. This day will be a day to raise money for others in this fight. We have been touched personally and truly felt the weight of what a cancer diagnosis does to kids and their families. We have smiled with, cried with, hugged and waved at many families in the Oncology department at Sutter Memorial hospital and beyond. We would like to take this opportunity, with many generous friends and family, to raise funds to help those families who are on a longer journey than our own, with more hills to climb and harder packs to carry.

We would like to donate the proceeds from the Walk with Emma Kait to some of the families that have been fellow travelers with us, as well as donate to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society for research. This will be an opportunity to share with others and hopefully lift some of their burden as well as help in the fight for more research on treatment and cures for this disease. We have a few families in mind, but would like to get permission to share their stories on our blog. Emma and I are also walking in memory of Max Herlehy at the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Light the Night Walk on October 22 to help raise money to fight blood cancers. After a 6 ½-year struggle with acute lymphoblastic leukemia, 9-year-old Max lost his battle with cancer in May. Please visit our team's homepage for more information. Mercy's Team Max

Max

We have been so generously blessed by support during Emma's journey. We have been touched by your cards, letters, financial support, gift cards, meals, offers to transport kids.....the list goes on. We would be honored to be able to help others in the same way with the proceeds from Emma's Walk. We don't know how much will be raised, but we can't wait to donate it to others. We thank you a million times over.

Maybe, just maybe, this can become an annual event.....marking a very hard time in our life......celebrating the good that can come from this kind of a journey......and a rallying of support for others that will be forced to walk in our same shoes in the future, but can be helped along the way.

Thank you supporters.

-Rebecca

Details

2011-09-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

It's in the details of life that make a difference...that make us notice.....that change us forever. We are learning at church that a situation or story looks so very different if you zoom in on the pixels...the very minute particles of a painting.....that make up a whole masterpiece. Those details are penned by our Creator and to change them, changes the whole. A complete story cannot be told without the details that happen along the way. I've been noticing those details lately, because it's easier than taking in the entire journey at once. It's how God is showing us his love and care and it's how others are showing their love and support. These are some of the details lately regarding Emma's journey......

Emma's 3rd and 4th grade class last year with Mr. Monkey

*She started 5th grade this week at school. She sits among 23 other students who all accept her and love her and celebrate with her the fact that she has a bit of hair growing back. They smile and laugh and look forward to the days that Emma can't be in class due to Dr. appointments or hospital stays, when Mr. Monkey, a stuffed animal, gets to attend class in her place. They are a group of 10 and 11 year old kids whose hearts are open and are learning every day how to live alongside a person who has cancer and support them.

It's a beautiful thing.

Studying with two of her classmates

*Emma has a new teacher this year. It's his first year at our school. He attends a church who has been supporting and praying for Emma Kait since the beginning of her journey. She listens to an ipod that they sent her along with an amazing gift basket of things to help her find joy in her circumstances. He said to me, ".....I think one of the reasons I'm at this school teaching this year, is because of Emma Kait. I didn't even know her when I took this job, but I'm learning so much because of her. She is a light in the class when I scan the room. "

It's an awesome thing.

Before going in to the concert

*We got a call last Friday from a friend who had tickets to a concert that she'd love to give to Emma Kait. We attended the Taylor Swift concert on Saturday and Emma got to experience an incredible show and sing along with 13,000 other little girls to songs like "Fearless" and I couldn't help but smile when watching her. The seats were incredible and the people who were seated right in front of us were all teachers and immediately celebrated with Emma and gave her a poster and flashlight to help in the concert experience. She enjoyed it so much.

It was an exciting thing.

Some of her circle of support celebrating Emma's 11th birthday

*I run into people EVERY DAY who ask about Emma and share with me how they pray for her and their kids pray for her every day....without being asked. I truly believe her journey has gone so smoothly because of the enormous amount of prayer support. People we don't know and people we know are praying for her.

It's a powerful thing.

*The Fed Ex driver who delivered the package of Face of Faith bracelets today, when I mentioned they were bracelets to support my 11 year old daughter who was fighting cancer, opened up his door again and asked if I wouldn't mind sharing one of the bracelets with him.....he said he'd love to support her in her fight. He drove off with a new pink rubber bracelet around his wrist.

It's a heartwarming thing.

Emma Kait-11 years old and more beautiful than ever

*The upcoming Walk with Emma Kait benefit walk/run in the beautiful and majestic Auburn Overlook. Last year, before her diagnosis, I would walk and hike those very trails by myself and God would speak to my heart. I think He was preparing me for the next step of my life which would require strength and bravery in amounts I've never before had to utilize. I love the fact that we are able to attend an event in that very same location, along with our circle of supporters, to celebrate Emma's half way mark of her treatment. God brings us back to places of significance in our life sometimes to help remind us that He's always with us, both in times of peace and in times of struggle.

It's a remarkable thing.

At then end of this journey, I know we will look back and see it as a huge hurdle, a momentous detour in Emma's life. It will become a story that will fade into her history of childhood. I'm praying we don't forget these details, as they are the things that helped us move forward, get out of bed, smile in the face of fear, and walk each day with a renewed spirit. Thank you for being a part of it.

Emma and her dad

-Rebecca

Wonder

2011-08-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord.

Psalm 31:24

It was Emma's 11th birthday last week. She had a week of celebrations and each time we sang "Happy Birthday to You", the words meant so much more to me than ever before. It was a rallying in my spirit, a surge of hope and overcoming, a hint of nostalgia and a bite of fear all wrapped into one little song. Cancer or any other life threatening disease has a way of spotlighting events like birthdays in a way, unnoticed before. It was a celebration for us. Happy Birthday my dear one. I am so proud of you.

Her Gramma and Grandpa (Jon's parents) gave her a card that was so perfect and poetic in what is said....I must share those words.

Life is hard sometimes, crazy, mixed-up, messed up.

And there you are, in the middle of it all,

just doing your thing....

being strong and brave and beautiful

like it's no big deal.

But let me tell you, girl,

it is!

Not everyone can do what you can do.

Not everyone can handle things the way you can.

While you wonder sometimes

if you're doing ok.....

the rest of us are just watching in....

Wonder.

We are watching in wonder...every day, every hour at the strength she has and how her life is touching others. Emma has chemo round #7 this afternoon. We are praying for strength and control of nausea. She has been diligently working on her independent study school work in preparation for classes to start on September 6. We march on toward that unknown date sometime this spring when we can say, chemo is behind us, our life is before us, we can rest, we can relax, we can celebrate! While we wait, and face each round, she continues to fight and be an inspiration to us.

-Rebecca

Walk with Emma Kait

2011-08-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

My generous friend, Jen Russell (who helped tremendously with Emma's Bald is Beautiful event and also owns a company who organizes runs) is planninga benefit 5K or 10K run or walk for Emma Kait on October 1, 2011. We are so humbled by this offer and thrilled that Emma wants to try to walk the 5K! We would love to see many of you out there walking (or running) with her. We chose the date, partially due to the fact that it marks the half way point in her chemotherapy treatment schedule. That's a reason to celebrate and get out in beautiful fall weather at the American River canyon overlook in Auburn! Here is a link to the information about the WALK WITH EMMA KAIT. Thank you friends. I will be running that day.....running to support, running as a challenge, with each step farther and farther away from Lymphoma!

Walk with Emma Kait

-Rebecca

Summer is fleeting

2011-08-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

It's that crunch time of year....anticipation of a new schedule, excitement over seeing school friends again, the familiar yet sometimes constricting rhythms and responsibilities of the fall returning. Ours is mixed with the familiar and the newer familiar of adding, "CBC clinic appt." and "CHEMO" to my google calandar on the same day as "Soccer pictures", "School Orientation" and "Dentist appt."

Emma has had a great summer overall, and I will update with pictures soon. I forgot to take the camera to Girl Scout camp, so I have to borrow photos from friends who were with us. We are off to that first day of school orientation that my calendar says we must attend. I think part of my transition to fall is that my brain shuts down a bit in the free thinking arenas and relies on what my calendars states is next...

She had a clinic appointment yesterday and her counts looked great...1400! She is generally feeling really strong and is excited for school to ramp up. Chemo is scheduled for next Wednesday afternoon. #7 here we come.

Blessings to you.

-Rebecca

Turning Right at Wise

2011-08-02T23:58:00.000-07:00


Emma Kait - August 1, 2011-6 months into her treatment

After six months of fighting a horrible disease and understanding the gravity of the situation my little family has been thrust into, I’ve realized that there is still so much to learn and even more to share. Knowing that my amazing wife and best friend, Rebecca, is usually at the helm of this blog, I’ve decided to high-jack it, say hello, and share a little about the journey thus far.

For those new to the Lymphoma roller coaster our daughter Emma is on, she was diagnosed in February of 2011 with Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma. Since that day we have learned, lived, cried, and prayed, for her health, our sanity and understanding, and God’s healing hand in this battle for the life of our 10 year old. We created this blog to share the experience. We hope to not only teach others what we’ve learned and what methods that have worked for us, but to learn ourselves from and heal from comments posted by our amazing followers and supporters.

Emma sleeping and fighting the newly added Methotrexate.

When Emma was born I had just begun an eleven month attempt to build our first home out in the country. After finishing college, we quickly left San Diego and headed for the hills. Freshly relocated back home, Rebecca and I knew which direction we were headed. I had goals in mind, set my sights, put my head down, and started down the road of being a dad. Every day after work I would drive home using the same path to work on building our home. Life was simple and easy. One kid, one more on the way, why deviate from the way I always drive home. Wind down the valley, across the river, turn right at Wise. Simple.

Fast-forward 10 years and life has become everything but simple. Even using the word “simple” doesn’t seem to fit. Stressed. Tired. Frustrated. Worried. Definitely not simple. With Emma’s diagnosis came panic, worry gauged in tons, prayers by the minute, and learning like we had while earning a degree. We began to watch and listen to the other parents in the Oncology center. Each story must be different, right?

Waiting for Chemo, Round 6

After regaining our vision from the initial impact of news, we quickly realized how similar the stories of each child and parent or parents really were. So many children. So much heart ache. Such great hope and love. We learned volumes from total strangers that would take us in, after noticing the “deer in the headlights” stare we had on our faces, thus giving them a rough idea of where we were in our journey.

Two months after Emma’s diagnosis we hit a rhythm and found our step. Rebecca was getting really good at everything Lymphoma related. She knew the steps needed for this, where to go for that, and who to call if a fever popped up again. She’s amazing. So much talent and love. But as we would begin to feel our face in the wind, we would notice that our dreams and direction were cloudy and vague. Nothing could be planned too far off in the future, for fear of a fever spiking up again and a mandatory three to four day hospital visit. We felt in limbo. Life was complicated.

Now, today, we’re still only six months into our treatment plan for Emma Kait, but have started to tease the dreams again. I’ve been catching myself dreaming of Emma’s first car and how I would surprise her with it. I’ve dreamed of the day when the actual protocol treatments are over. We’ve dreamed of a family trip to celebrate our crossing the finish line. We’ve contemplated retirement when our kids are all married. I would almost say things are getting easier. I still worry and fear. I still watch our daughter in amazement that she knows the tastes and smells associated with the hospital’s specific floors and can equate them to various drugs being given to her through her port. I still sit in disbelief with each clinic visit, wanting to rub my eyes as I wake from a bad dream. And I still break down and cry as I explain to some stranger that has a daughter, about Emma’s story and why my head is shaved and I’m wearing a bright pink bracelet, all while in the plumbing supply store.

Having fun during the good cycles of chemo, watching the Sacramento Capitals courtside.

On August 14, Emma will turn 11. She’s turning into a little lady. She’s been forced to learn so much and grow up so fast. We all have. Life won’t stop. She will grow. We will live. But if I’m to focus on the great things that we’ve found in this journey and pass it along to another worried parent stuck in the eye of a horrible storm, it would be that there is an undeniable amount of endless love from Him, our God, promising that this will pass. It might be that there is an enormous amount of love and support available to you from others passing through the unimaginable. Friends have become great friends. Family will become a family that I can’t describe well enough with written words. Strangers will love and encourage. Wisdom is always available at every intersection, as is anger and fear. Pray for them. Love them. Hold them.

Waiting with Dad in the Oncology clinic, making paper flowers for the doctors, nurses, and patients.

-Dad

The Crazy Lazy Days of Summer

2011-07-18T22:15:00.000-07:00

Thank you for being patient and allowing us the freedom to enjoy summer for all it has to offer. More choices, less schedules, less computer, more outside, later nights, later mornings....ahh summer.

Last Monday was another milestone in Emma's treatment. Chemo infusion # 5. 1/3 of her treatment is behind us.....10 more to go. She had one day of feeling pretty crummy, but then improved and has had a great week since. We visited the clinic today for her weekly blood test and her counts were great...1700, her hair is starting to come back and starting next round, she won't get the "big guns" chemo called Doxyrubicin anymore as she has reached the critical limit that her body can take. They will switch it to Methotrexate for the remainder of her regimen. That should improve the nausea she fights and will be a pretty "mild" dose of that medication....all reasons to celebrate.

We've had many days of summer fun mixed with clinic visits and one hospital stay. Not bad. Here are some photographic depictions of some of the crazy and some of the lazy.

Girl Scout Sleepover-water balloon filling station

Girl Scout cuties

A girl on the beach loving every minute

Crazy is painting toes on the beach!

Lazy Santa Cruz days

Emma and Lily

Riding at home

Rebecca being lazy and loving it!

This is the crazy face of a girl who does not like the smell, taste or association she has with the clinic. I don't blame her.

Accessed

Crazy x-ray of her port seen in her chest film

Folsom Lake

Family BBQ and gathering at our house. Cousins from LA visited and we got to meet our newest baby niece Grace.

Our crazy goat checking out the construction project.

Summer dinner

Bon fire in the back yard by the apple trees with cousins

Lazy dogs and a happy girl

We continue to be blessed with dinners from family and friends that arrive on Monday evenings after our clinic days and we are always so thankful. We are praising God for his protection over Emma's body and the energy and health she has experienced so far this summer. We march on. Every day is a new day and we are taking notice of the details.

-Rebecca

I've been waiting

2011-06-22T20:10:00.000-07:00

It's been several months since Emma's diagnosis of Stage 3

Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma. I still can hardly believe it and sometimes it feels like a story I am hearing secondhand and not a story I am living in my own home on a daily basis. I see her photo in the church newsletter in the section of people that need prayer, and we continue to receive mail addressed to her and cards of love and support, but it continues to catch me off guard that it's my daughter, my own flesh and blood, my sweet 10 year old girl, our Emma Kait. How did we get here?

We spent 5 days in the hospital last week instead of on the family camping trip that we had planned with a group of great friends. I had trouble packing for the trip and somehow I think I knew it would not workout like we thought....it's kind of been the theme of our year so far......plan B, or C, or....H???

Emma developed a fever and was neutropenic and so was checked into the hospital straight from her clinic appointment to check counts on Tuesday. Jon took the boys to the camping trip and they had a fun, albeit "not quite the same" family trip without us girls along. I feel like I should have been more disappointed in the fact that we were missing the trip, but the undercurrent of all the twists and turns of our journey is that we are just riding along, we are not in the driver's seat. It's unsettling sometimes because I don't know which direction we are turning next, but it's also a little bit peaceful, in the same way a child feels in the back seat of the car when a parent is in charge of the journey....they can relax, look out the window, daydream and even fall asleep because their loving parent has the map, the route information, has checked the tire pressure, filled the gas tank and even packed snacks. They know and trust intrinsically that their parent will see that they arrive at their destination safe and secure. I am that child. A child of God. He is in charge and loves me and is the "driver" of this journey. We will be delivered. Praise Jesus.

I heard a song not long after Emma's diagnosis that spoke to my heart like no other. "Blessings" by Laura Story. I've been waiting for it to be released onto Playlist.com, so we could have it on her blog. I feel like it's the theme of her journey. Please allow me to print the lyrics and forgive me for having it play as the background music to her blog. (Scroll to the end of her blog page and press play if it doesn't load automatically).
It speaks to me.....it helps me to have perspective.....it quiets my soul. I've been waiting for it.

Blessings

Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

-Rebecca

Finding Joy in the Journey....or at least trying to.

2011-06-14T22:34:00.000-07:00

We are unfortunately in the hospital (Emma and I) while our boys are on the camping trip we were all supposed to be on this week. Emma developed a fever overnight after her appointment yesterday at the clinic when her ANC was at 700. With a fever of 102 this morning, they wanted us to come back in for blood cultures and to check her ANC again, which was down to 500 and her fevers continued, so we were sent straight up to the hospital to check in for at least three days. She is so disappointed but is holding up better than I would be. Her fever reached a new high of 103.8 this evening, but is being managed now with Tylenol. Praying for her fevers to go away, her ANC to go up and for us to be released quickly. We continue to be thankful that we have been home and healthy for the majority of her treatment so far. We saw one of our previous roommates today who has been here for 14 weeks now. Certainly puts our three day stints into perspective.

-Rebecca

We are here, we are here, we are here!

2011-06-10T19:23:00.000-07:00

I've been absent for a few weeks from blogging...I apologize. We have been completely wrapped up in the "lasts" of the season. Last full day of school (aka last day of packing lunches for mom!) last day of school, last books to turn in, last backpack full of papers....all times three kids. It's been a blessing that Emma has been able to experience and participate in all of it due to feeling great and high blood counts. We are praising God that He allowed such a "normal" end of the school year for her. Today we went to an all school swim day and BBQ at the local park. She did not skip a beat when she pulled off her sun hat, handed me her glasses and jumped into the pool with her fuzzy white head. I loved seeing that nobody from our little school community even blinked an eye at her either. Ahhh, the comfort of a safe and secure environment for our brave Emma girl.

We are celebrating summer being here with a family dinner, fire pit s'mores in the backyard and cousins from Los Angeles sleep over in the tent. We are here! It's a relief to have a break from the regular schedule and committments. We are intentionally going to be casual about planning things this summer and might be a little less "plugged in" to the internet. Please know that if there is anything drastic or concerning with Emma and her health, I will certainly put the word out and ask for prayer......but if you don't see anything new for a few days or weeks, please celebrate with us in the fact that we are taking a much needed break, hanging out as a family, relaxing, appreciating the good days and being thankful that God is directing each step in this journey.

Emma still continues to have chemo every 21 days and we will be at the clinic each week to check her blood counts and be monitored. We crossed a huge milestone at last week's chemo treatment in that it was her last scheduled spinal tap until the end of her entire protocol, which will be next spring.

As I slathered sunscreen on her back this morning and noticed the two neat circular scars on her back from her bone marrow biopsy, I thanked God that He has been here with us since the beginning of this ordeal. He knows the future, He knows our family and He knows and loves this girl. I can try from the outside to protect her skin from the sun's harmful rays, but it's just a token of protection in comparison from the protection He is lending her every single day from the inside of her body all the way out. I am so grateful her life is so secure in His loving hands. Praise to Him alone.

Enjoy your summer days. We are treasuring each one even more this year. Thank you for your continued love and support.

-Rebecca

Hovering

2011-05-25T18:11:00.000-07:00

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

It's a strange place to have one foot in regular life and normal routines and the other foot in a foreign land with unfamiliar paths and unknown landmarks. That's what's it's felt like recently. There have been days of normalcy. Emma has had a great few weeks since her last round of chemotherapy. She attended school almost every day except when she had clinic appointments. A friend asked her over for a playdate, out to dinner and then to a musical. She went to Joseph's soccer games, participated in the Relay for Life and walked this year as a survivor, and went to church.

I could "almost" relax as I dropped her off at her friend's house and I "almost" felt like she would be fine. Twinges of worry were there. Those never go away. I had the thoughts, "What if she gets a fever? What if she gets overtired and doesn't realize it and has an emotional crash? What if some other unknown complication hits her body and I'm not there to witness it or help?" Irrational maybe, but those thoughts run through my mind each time she is away from me. It's like she's a toddler again and I'm a hovering mother. It feels out of control. It's uncomfortable and exhausting. I don't like it.

We've raised our kids to be self sufficient. We believe responsibility given at a young age will foster independent and capable kids. (it's our theory anyway) They put away their own laundry....even if it gets stuffed into the drawers sometimes. They empty the dishwasher....even if the teaspoons and tablespoons sometimes end up in the wrong section of the silverware organizer. They feed the animals, they ride motorcycles, they shoot airsoft and paintball guns....all with proper instruction beforehand and warnings to be responsible. Sometimes they are good at following the rules, sometimes they push the limits and break the boundries. (some of our kids are guilty of this more than others.....ahem.....Joseph!) We may let our kids do more than some parents are comfortable with, but it's risks we have been willing to take (within reason and with proper safety gear). They are kids and they are growing, maturing and learning. We don't really hover. We experience joy as we see them learning to be responsible and maturing young people.

Now, we have a daughter who is by far the most naturally responsible and mature of our three children whom we can't allow to experience the freedom and carefree life that she was once accustomed to. We have to say no when she wants to ride the dirt bike.....she could injure herself or her port which is placed within her chest wall and feeds right into her superior vena cava....her heart. We have to say no when she wants to spend the night at her friend's house....she could spike a fever and need immediate treatment. We can't sign her up for vacation bible school or Girl Scout camp without reminding her that her attendance to those events will be based on her blood counts that very week. Possible disappointments lay ahead. We hover over the possibilities for her....hoping they will work out, but realistic that they might not.

Today we are hovering with a fever. Emma has had a low grade temperature for the last 24 hours. We kept her home from school today to keep tabs on it and to call the Dr. if it reached over the important 100.5 degree mark. 100.3, 99.8, 100.7. 100.0, 98.9, 100.9 were temps throughout her day. We finally called the Dr.'s office when one thermometer read 100.3 and one read 100.7. Tylenol dose and appointment tomorrow is the plan for now.....unless she spikes higher tonight. I'm hovering in my mind. I don't know which way it will go. I'm not planning ahead and I'm not going to be disappointed if it turns out that we have to be admitted.....well, not too disappointed. It's never fun. It's always worrisome and it's just what we have to do.

Someday, we might have our feet on the ground a bit more....more secure....able to feel the earth more predictably under our feet. But, for now, we hover, being held silently and securely with the hands of God. We are learning to relax and let go. The less we fight against the invisible forces pushing us around in the air, the more we can feel the gentle, caring, protective hands of our Father carrying us and guiding us where we need to go.

Learning to let go......

"Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

-Rebecca

Emotional Weight

2011-05-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

This has been a hard week for us emotionally. The new "normal" is sinking in and taking hold. It's hard to breath sometimes under the weight of it all. It's hard to function and it's especially hard to plan. We are trying to live in the moment, but those moments can be scary and raw and hurtful. They can test your patience and resolve. They challenge my mothering skills to the core and unfortunately those skills crumble and fail more times than I want. I listened to the sermon from our pastor on Sunday which described so vividly how I've been feeling lately. Please listen if you would like.

Sermon "Chaos" by Nathan Oates, Emmaus Church Community

I find comfort in the fact that I am walking each moment with a Savior who knows my pain and knows the end of the journey. I am but an untrained, out of shape athlete who has just been thrust into the marathon of her life and I'm just at mile 2 and I have so much left to run. Praying for strength, resolve and grit.

-Rebecca

Fun is Good

2011-05-14T17:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

We have had a week of calm. It was as if we had our old life back for a few days. It felt good to be crazy and running late and packing lunches for 3 kids and soccer practice and piano lessons and school meetings...just the "normal" chaos of life.

We started the week last Sunday with a very fun family outing on Mother's Day to Great America for the Courageous Kids Day, sponsored by the American Cancer Society. We had a blast. The kids were all so excited....especially when they saw that there were virtually no lines since not many mothers consider going to a theme park as one of their top choices for Mother's Day activities. The park was open to the public, but most of the crowds were kids with bright red hats on them stating they were a Courageous Kid.

There were many other bald heads, kids in wheelchairs, kids with surgical masks, kids with scars and kids resting in the shade with their proud parents. One mom's shirt read, "I had never met a real hero until my son became one." We had a teenage girl ask us in line if Emma was a Courageous Kid. We answered yes and she openly asked, "What kind of cancer do you have? How long have you been in treatment?" and "I had a brain tumor and now I'm just fine. It was when I was seven and now I'm 18!" Kids that have gone through this kind of challenge in their lives are open in sharing their stories, proud of their accomplishment of making it through, and seem to be stronger because of it. They are bonded together with perfect strangers because they have all experienced the fight of their life. It was encouraging and touching to be there.

Emma then went to the hospital on Monday for outpatient chemotherapy and a spinal tap. She has only one more spinal tap to go in her treatment protocol and we are looking forward to putting those behind us. The next four days she took oral Prednisone and Chemotherapy at home, but amazingly felt great and attended school for the rest of the week. This is the first time she'd been back to school so regularly since her diagnosis. It was so great to see her skipping up the sidewalk to school in a different cute hat every day. The little victories are worth celebrating and we are so happy when she gets to participate in life like she used to.

We are in the midst of a soccer weekend for Joseph who has three games in two days. We plan to attend church tomorrow as a family for the first time in weeks and we are so excited. We are also finally celebrating Jon's birthday tomorrow (which was April 21) at my mom's along with Uncle Robb as the birthdays recently have gotten a little lost in the shuffle. We are having fun with our normal days and activities. As my friend Jen texted me the other day, when she found out that we were headed to Great America.....Fun Is Good! I totally agree.

-Rebecca

Overwhelming Love, Unending Generosity, Indescribable Joy

2011-05-09T00:07:00.000-07:00

My cup overflows with blessings.

-Psalm 23:5

Face of Faith-Emma Kait

The words just don't seem big enough, the descriptions in print seem inadequate when we try to sum up the truly amazing and love filled day that was the Bald is Beautiful BBQ and Walk a Thon benefit for Emma Kait.

It was as if God gathered all his workers that had any tie to our family...or who knew about Emma's story...or who just heard from friends about the event and put them all in one place at one time. We were witnessing the support we have felt from the very beginning of her diagnosis in the flesh, giving us hugs, wiping our tears, sharing smiles and love and grace to us.

Emma's first glimpse at the celebration-just released from the hospital 30 minutes prior to the event.

I would be remiss to not mention at the very start of this post, the incredible and selfless friends I have in Amy Donovan and Jen Russell. They are two women and moms and wives who gave their time, talents and energy to make this event what is was for us. Thank you ladies. You are true friends. The hours they put in are too many to understand. If you attended the event, then you experienced the organization first hand. Everything they both planned allowed the day to run perfectly. They both have busy lives themselves and they gave to us and loved us through this celebration.

Amy Donovan

Jen Russell

Then there was the volunteer effort and donations, for without each individual pitching in to help, the day would not have been what is was. How do we name them all??? I fear I will forget some or not even realize what people did, so will you allow us a blanket THANK YOU volunteers!!!! OK....to name a few.....Newcastle Lions Club, Bridgett Farren of Del Oro High School, Clubhouse Cupcakes, Veronica, Mack and Company, Ned Longthorn, Blood Source, Dave and Chriss Johansen of Fantanstical Prints, Lori Sardella of Foster's Freeze, Susan Wozniak and Taco Bell, Ginger Brenning and Burger King, Dawn Patterson of Funky Fish Designs, Shelly Rabe, the seven most awesome head shavers on the planet, Garrett Norton DJ and announcer extraordinaire, Bill and Amy Donovan, Jen and Adam Russell, countless other friends and family.

Clubhouse Cupcakes girls

Then there was the friends and families and kids and acquaintances and strangers who ate, bought T-shirts, bracelets, cupcakes, bid and purchased auction items and raffle tickets, sponsored or got sponsored to walk, shaved heads, donated just because you wanted to help. The LOVE IN ACTION was truly inspiring and truly a blessing.

Jon's mom, Cathy and Great Gramps and Granny Franny

And then, how do we explain how miraculously helpful and generous the funds raised that day are to us as a family? We would like you all to know that we are humbled at the thought of those hard earned dollars to each of you. This has not been a easy time financially for anyone in the last few years. We know that very well. You opened your pocketbooks as opening your hearts and gave to our family to help us in a very difficult year ahead as well as the future for Emma Kait. We would like you to know that we are conscientiously using those funds for immediate support in gas money (we drive the 65 mile round trip to Sacramento 1-2 times every week) and special individual needs for Emma right now for her treatment and health. We want you to celebrate that you are also helping in making a safe and clean environment at our home for her. Chemotherapy and the resulting immune compromise makes this a vital and life saving modification to our home. Those funds are helping to finish a bathroom for her needs and an area that keeps the dust and dirt down that comes in the door. We have had a close knit group of friends that have given significantly financially and lent the sweat equity on this, but some of the funds raised will go towards helping to finish that project. We also plan to put away some of the money for future needs for Emma Kait that we don't even realize at this point in her treatment. There are many questions ahead for her both physically, emotionally and mentally and we want to be able to allow her the services and support she needs as she grows. Know that ALL money raised and given that day is going directly to support this little girl. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Forever family friends the Lemans

Then there were the faces. Each image captured that day both in our memories and by talented photographers that have shared their photos with us, are a treasure. Some faces we see every day, some occasionally and some we have not seen in over 20 years. Some faces were strangers to us in appearance, but not strangers in the cause for that day. In each face was compassion, support, concern, celebration, cheering, hard work, and most of all love. Where would we be without each other? I have heard from several of you, that the day effected you tremendously. We pray that by experiencing the true power and joy that comes from using your talents and coming together for a cause bigger than yourselves can help to inspire all of us to give of ourselves more freely. This time, the Stanphill Family was on the receiving end of this blessing, but each one of you, might one day experience the need for help, and or hear the cry for help from someone. Let us be there for one another, like you were there for us last Sunday. It is what humans are made for. Community and love...such a beautiful and powerful thing.

Jaime, Emily, Shelly, John, Kim, Sarah, Aubrie

Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.

-1 John 4:7

70 Bald is Beautiful heads

Some fun stats from the day....

650 dinner reservations
Over 800 people attended
70 people in the photo who shaved their heads with Emma (several had to leave early)
5 other brave women shaved their head (Amy, Rendi, Angela, Sophie and Jordan)
Many young kids walked almost 5 miles (or more) in one hour
Almost 200 T-shirts sold
Almost 100 Emma Kait support bracelets sold
All 100 pink Face of Faith bracelets sold
Over 30 bone marrow screenings collected

It's all amazing! It's all worth celebrating! It's all to help one little girl survive the most difficult year in her life! It's all LOVE.

Simply and not profoundly enough, we thank you.


Stanphill Family May 1, 2011

Jon, Rebecca, Joseph, Emma Kait and Benjamin Stanphill

Here are only some of the amazing faces of faith.

Steve

Amy

Isaiah

Nate

Jason

John

Rendi

Tyson

Grandpa Mike

Scott

Bob

Robb

Mike

Rich

Jacob

Rendi and Emma

Sprouse Family

To see more amazing images from other photographers that were at the Bald is Beautiful BBQ you can go to:

Studio KYK (thanks Monica!!)

CR Photography (thanks Charlotte!!)

Miracle

2011-05-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

Emma's ANC is up.....her fevers have not returned.......her blood culture is negative for infection......and the prayers of so many of you have been heard and answered by our loving God.......

We are getting released a bit early in order to attend her BBQ!!! She is so excited and happy.

Praising God for his love for her and the miracles that happen in spite of this very tumultuous journey.

See many of you soon. Thank you for praying.

-Rebecca

So Disappointed

2011-04-29T23:22:00.000-07:00

Emma has been struggling with fevers the last few days, and we've visited the clinic two days in a row for blood work and IV antibiotics, but this morning at the clinic her ANC was below 500 meaning she was severely neutropenic and at high risk for infection or illness and when we went home her fever returned, so we had to go to the hospital this evening and be admitted. We don't know how long this stay will be, but she is SO SAD at the thought of missing her Bald is Beautiful event on Sunday. She was so upset at home when she found out we had to go to the hospital that she yelled and screamed she didn't want to go and then vomitted from being so upset.

I was at a loss for words on how to console her. I knew getting admitted meant that we were probably stuck at the hospital for 3 days at least. I knew she had to have her port accessed for the third time in 48 hours. I knew that we are expecting over 650 people to attend and support her with their love at her BBQ, and they would also be disappointed that she could not attend. I knew this fever was a reason for more worry and concern. I know I can not change any of it.

I am sorry, this post is so depressing....it's our reality right now.

I am praying for quick resolution of the fevers and I cautiously hope that there is a chance she might be able to be released by Sunday, but I doubt that will turn out to be the case. I am praying for her spirit to be comforted in spite of this huge change of plans. I am praying I don't fall into bitterness at the unfairness of this situation for Emma. I am wishing things were different.

Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for attending her event....even if the guest of honor has to see it in pictures.

-Rebecca

Mixed Emotions

2011-04-26T13:29:00.000-07:00

We are feeling so excited about the Bald is Beautiful BBQ event this coming Sunday at 4pm at Del Oro High School. We continue to be overwhelmed and humbled at the outpouring of love and support for Emma Kait by people willing to attend the event, donate food, donate to the silent auction, get sponsored for walking, help set-up, shave heads, etc, etc, etc. It feels as though an army of people are coming together to help carry one little girl on their shoulders in her battle against a very nasty disease. She needs that right now more than ever.

Speaking of that little girl. She is tired. There has been a very marked change in her energy level this past week. Our entire family has been sick with the flu, and we spent the entire spring break draped over the many beds and couches in our little house. Emma did not catch the same flu bug, but the effects of the very high doses of Prednisone and a new chemo drug called "MP-6" that she takes for the first 5 days of each maintenance cycle, has caused her to act like she's just finished running a marathon. She hardly has the energy to get out of bed and when she does, she tires very quickly. She was acting so out of the ordinary, that I took her for blood work yesterday just to make sure she was not getting anemic or had any other underlying blood issues, and found out that thankfully her counts were high (ANC 2500) and her other blood work looked good. She is just plain tired from the assault her body is enduring from all the medications. It's so hard to see your child actually ACT like a sick child. It was easier in some ways to deny that she was being so violently affected by all of this, when she was acting still perky and energetic.

We are praying for strength for her and especially protection against fevers in the next few days, so she can attend the BBQ. We are praying for energy to return so she can enjoy the remaining few weeks of her 4th grade year. We are praying for health for the rest of our family.

-Rebecca

Sneak Peek

2011-04-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Just got word from our amazingly talented bracelet designer that the Emma Kait support bracelets are being made as we speak. Here is a sneak peek at the beautiful work she is doing. There have been many obstacles that have been thrown into the making of these bracelets, but as Dawn says, "God always wins!" We plan to have some of these available at the Bald is Beautiful event as well as by request via email to Rebecca. More details to come.....

Thank you Dawn. I've never met you, but you are a treasured friend and fellow warrior for Jesus. Love and blessings to you.

If you would like to support Dawn in her business and read more about how she got started, please visit her website: http://www.funkyfishdesigns.com/aboutus.htm

-Rebecca

Bald IS Beautiful

2011-04-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

We are a hospital ward around here people.....the flu hit our house last Friday and is still raging on. We are thankful for so many praying for Emma's health as she is the ONLY one who has not caught this particular virus of fever, headaches, cough and general feeling like a truck hit you and then backed up a few times for good measure.

I have been trying to post for a week now about our friends and loved ones who have jumped in and embraced the Bald is Beautiful concept already. Please enjoy these images as much as we do as they are all individual stories of support in a very obvious and dramatic ways. Each bald head (or dramatically shorter "do") walking around is a silent show of love for Emma Kait. For each questioning glance or stare, each head shows the courage and support of our many amazing friends and family.

Uncle Garrett being styled by Rebecca

Papa and Garrett finished results

Cousin Gavin before

Cousin Gavin-no going back now

Emma and the boys

Aunt Christa in LA who skyped her head shaving (see Emma and Rebecca's reaction in lower right hand corner)

Beautiful

Big brother Joseph

Papa, Uncles Robb and Garrett, Cousins Gavin and Carter

Friend John who let his co-workers do the handy work

Looking good

They all got to join in the fun

When he ran out of hair, they got to doodle on his head!

Thank you all....Papa, Jon (daddy) Gavin, Garrett, Joseph, Carter, Robb, Ian, Levi, Christa, John, Kathryn and Erika. You are all truly BEAUTIFUL!!!

Therapy

2011-04-16T01:37:00.000-07:00

Just as we began to celebrate the new ANC levels Emma had achieved, a whopping 700, a cold has crept into our home and decided to attacked Rebecca and Ben. So now I sit, quietly watching and waiting, doing laundry, dishes, and dodging this bullet sent home from school. We've quickly shipped Emma and Joe off to Aunt Bethany and Uncle Robb's house, as a form of a bubble or retreat, thus the quiet house. This quiet, though rare in our busy family of five, can be a blessing or a curse.

When Benjamin was very little, anything that resembled "quiet" usually meant he was up to something. He would disappear off into a back room, sucking his thumb, thinking, watching, and waiting. He's a calculated little man. His tiny fingers would test things. He would find the smallest cracks on any surface. Feeling fabric from around the house, he would look for a woven gem to add to his collection of comfort blankets he named his "uh-ohs." His calculations, born of pure analytics I'm sure, would lead him to place the smallest of objects neatly into the tiniest places. This one time he put a newly purchased memory card for our camera neatly and perfectly away, somewhere in Grammy's house, never to be seen again.

Loading the photos of today onto the computer from such a card, flashed my memory like a wave crashing into the pier at O.B., with such clarity it was as though Ben was instantly 2 years old again with his uh-oh in tow. Instead he's 8, has a fever, hasn't eaten, and sleeps quietly on the couch beside me. This forced quiet time has made me think. I wonder if the memories we're making right now, traveling through Emma's journey as she battles Lymphoma, will be so clear? When she's walking down the isle in the most beautiful white dress, getting ready to change her last name forever, will we flash back to when she was 10? I know I will, through a river of tears...of joy and triumph.

Lately I've been flashing from time period to time period as I struggle to cope with and understand our new life. I found old photos of the kids. First date photos of Rebecca and I. Wedding photos. As I look at the photos from the past week, I've noticed that we're starting to get comfortable. We know what the hospital looks like from all angles, every hallway, every room. We know where to get diesel now, no matter which way the one-way street is going. We know what the chemo routine is like and what to expect. This comfort, at least when viewed during these quiet times, can scare me. I don't want to get too comfortable. We were comfortable, before February 16, 2011. I don't want to forget each step, like when Emma was learning to walk as a baby. I want to learn from it. I want to hold on to it, though if I'm honest, never go back.

Emma's growing. She's maturing. Today she's not the little girl learning to walk, she's a cancer patient on a mission. She's a face of faith. I have so much to learn from her. She's wise beyond her years now. I guess it comes with the kit, though they didn't mention that in the cancer staging meeting, and trust me, I've scoured the manual. Recently, while talking with a friend at a park, I realized Emma's quickly becoming a pro. Not quite sponsored yet, but definitely swinging for the fence with her knowledge and understanding of her new stage of life. She watches us more than she used to. She listens to everything. She takes it all in, processes it, then hums a little tune. This worries me, because I'm still very angry at cancer. I don't react the same to things. I try and hold it together because we're (the parents) are supposed to. We (the dad) are supposed to handle anything and be strong, positive, and courageous. I'm so angry, I even questioned why I should capitalize "Lymphoma" in this blog. What did it do to deserve the big L? You capitalize God, not lymphoma. Boy do I have a long way to go.

I've been told that Emma's blog is open, honest, and lets our friends, family, and even those we don't yet know, into our journey with ease. I think it allows us all to know the truth. It makes sitting at a picnic table at the park, waiting for soccer practice to get over, easier. Your conversations, thoughts, and prayers help us. It truly is therapy, maybe for us all, but definitely for me. My thoughts are scattered throughout each day. The first week after Emma's diagnosis I missed exit after exit as I drove down the freeway. I struggled to find direction. As I put my thoughts to paper (screen) it becomes real. Her situation sets in. Our future, though wide open, becomes at least a thought. If I try to say any of these words out loud, I wouldn't get past the first sentence. I'll start to cry. It's still too raw. Maybe I process things slower? Maybe my imagination it too intense? Maybe my faith isn't strong enough? Maybe I haven't given it all to Him? Like Rebecca said, "Breathe In.....Hold Your Breath.....Breathe."

Thank you for walking with us through this journey.

- Jon

Happy Day

2011-04-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

Working on a Bald is Beautiful post...pictures pending :) Emma's counts are up to 700 today, which means that she can play in her long anticipated and practiced for piano recital. We are celebrating the little things. She also made the local newspaper. Will update tomorrow when we collect all the photos we need for the post. Bald (or very short) is a new fashion statement....didn't you know?

Loomis News article: http://theloomisnews.com/detail/176229.html

Back In....

2011-04-08T14:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Emma was scheduled for her first round of maintenance chemo and spinal tap. Unfortunately, her ANC level (white blood cells = immunity) was a dead zero. That meant that they could not move forward with any therapy until her numbers improved. We were sent home until our appointment on Monday......we thought.

At 5:30 this morning, she came into our room complaining of being hot......102.4 degrees hot.

Jon and I moved through the abnormally familiar routine of calling the doctor, hearing that we should head to the hospital right away, rounding up her medical binder, loading the cell phone charger, laptop, clothing changes, toothbrushes, etc. and making the 32 mile trip to the hospital.

They are looking for signs of infection. They are treating her with IV antibiotics. They are monitoring her temperature, blood work and ANC levels. We will be here a minimum of 2-3 days and possibly longer pending results of her blood cultures.

We have been here before. In this very room. With the same nurses. With the same questions, instructions and warnings. This is familiar, but not comfortable. This is upsetting, but not devastating. This is a setback, but not a catastrophe. We are trying to stay positive and strong for her.

We have been noticing lately that our emotions are a bit out of sync. Jon and I have both experienced times recently that we've been given very exciting and good news, or quite negative news involving details of our life, not related to Emma's medical diagnosis. We have not had the usual appropriate responses to either of these situations. We don't get overly excited, and we also don't get completely upset. I think we have to stay so stable in our emotional state for Emma's sake and continue to have to ride out unexpected situations with her condition, that normal emotional responses are dulled to a slight feeling of joy or sadness, but not to the appropriate level. I don't know if this is a natural protective instinct that our brains default to, when one has experienced a huge amount of emotional input, or if that is God, quietly taking on the burden on our behalf. I believe it's the latter choice. Thankfully, it's a sense of quietness and peace in the soul. God is giving us one day at a time, one experience, one trial, and softening the volume a bit.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

-Rebecca

Breathe In....Hold Your Breath....Breathe

2011-04-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

That was the command from the automated CT Scan voice the other day. As Emma lay there, wrapped tightly in her own pink striped blanket from home, then a funny smelling highly sanitized hospital issued blanket, then a large 2 foot wide velcro strap to keep her from rolling off the narrow sliding table while she held her arms above her head, this is the voice that spoke instructions to her while the machine whirred and hummed.

Breathe In.....Hold Your Breath.....Breathe.

The machine changed settings a bit, then a large clear syringe filled with another radioactive "contrast" was slowly injected into her IV through a coiled clear tube that stretched out as the table moved into position. Again, the booming, authoritative yet calm voice commanded...

Breathe In....Hold Your Breath....Breathe

I am a rule follower. I guess it's due to being a first born child. What I'm told to do, I do. So even though I'm the helpless mom who is standing in the corner of the darkened basement CT suite, weighed down by the lead apron the tech strapped onto me, to protect me from the exact radiation levels that my child is being exposed to, my child who is still growing, my child who has yet to fully mature, my child who needs to be protected from all of this....but please by all means, shield the mother from the dangerous radiation, I breathe when the man says breathe. If I could, I would rip off that cursed lead apron and flop my own body down on that machine and do this for her......but I can't. All I can do is silently stand in the corner, with that apron weighing down on my shoulders, and hold her glasses and pink Danskin sweatshirt......and follow the invisible man's instructions.........

Breathe In.....Hold Your Breath......Breathe

I realized, in my following his instructions, I was acting like the mother, who feeds her baby from a spoon and opens her mouth unknowingly each time to encourage her baby to take a bite, that I was trying to help the process, or at least help Emma get through yet another scan.

These last few weeks, we have been on edge, stressed out, worried sick and worse. It feels out of control, and just when we think we are getting the hang of this situation, something changes and we are upended again waiting for the next hard part.

We are breathing in, and holding our breath. Waiting.

Ten minutes after this CT scan last Thursday, we had our regular clinic appointment, but this time we were to find out the results of her latest PET scan (scan to find cancer cells). We breathed in as the door opened and we were to see one of the three pediatric oncologists. The youngest of the three came in and nervously sat down. We held our breath. "The results of the scan show no new sites and the affected lymph nodes show positive signs of responding to the chemotherapy". Good news. Praise Jesus! WE BREATHED.

We returned home to a comforting and delicious dinner made by a longtime friend, a gift basket of goodies from friends from our previous school, and a blooming vase of daffodils. Breathing got easier. Thank you friends.

Based on her current blood counts and test results, she will begin her first of 15 maintenance cycles of chemotherapy drug treatment this week on Thursday, including a spinal tap. It will be a long day. She is beginning to show signs of fatigue, both physically and emotionally. I don't blame her. I would be far more "grumpy" than she has been. Jon calls it "chemo funk". I guess it's just all part of the process of slowly poisoning your body, and then asking it to heal itself again and again. I am so thankful, it's not up to us to heal her. She is in the most caring and capable hands....the doctors and nurses, but more importantly, our Father God, the Great Physician.

Thank you for following her story. You are an amazing cloud of witnesses to her journey.

-Rebecca

A closer look

2011-03-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

Emma is between tests. This morning she had a PET scan for the 2nd time. Her first was done the day after her diagnosis to determine the stage and extent of her cancer. Today's scan was to again determine if the chemo has been working, to check to see if it has spread and ultimately help to "restage" her Lymphoma. She was required to eat a high protein dinner with lots of green vegetable and no carbohydrates, as carbs (sugars) look very similar to cancer cells in the body in the PET scan. So we had a ham, cheese and egg quiche, steamed broccoli and a big salad. She then had to fast from food, but drink lots of water this morning until after the scan. They had to start an IV (one of her least favorite forms of torture) because we could not wait for an available appointment that included an actual physician to access her port at the radiology clinic, so we put numbing cream on both hands on her best looking veins and thankfully, they accessed the vein on the first try with no pain. Yay! You gotta celebrate the little things sometimes. She peacefully watched a movie on her portable DVD player while we waited for the "contrast" to be injected into her IV and to travel all around her body. (She kept telling me different parts of her body that would suddenly have a sharp prick or pain sensation). I assured her this was "normal" however how the heck am I supposed to know what "normal" feels like to a body being bombarded with chemicals that get delivered in a metal syringe that is stored in a huge heavy steel box that has a lock on it, similar to radioactive materials.....oh wait........that was radioactive material they just injected into my 10 year old little girl! (but I digress..........) The scan part went beautifully and she peacefully layed still while her body was transported slowly through the large tubular machine. We packed up, hit a drive-through for pancakes and eggs.....she was starving.....and made it to school by morning recess.

"Relaxing"

Tomorrow is her CT scan. A wonderful experience not unlike today where she has to fast again and then get injected with a different kind of contrast that makes people feel like they wet their pants.......SUPER.........dignity people, dignity.

Warm blankets are a cozy perk of all the tests

She then has her regular clinic appointment for a blood draw and general check in. We are hoping to get the results from both scans, high blood counts, and an encouraging report on her prognosis. We feel wrapped in support and love. Thank you for caring.

-Rebecca

Day 29

2011-03-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

We hit our first milestone today. Emma has completed her 29 day "Induction" period of her treatment. Tonight will be her last dose of her daily Predisone (3 x's a day) dose. We are praising God that her reaction to this medication was minimal. After reading the daunting list of common side effects including:

Increased appetite, weight gain and fluid retention
Full or round "moon" face
Stomach upset
Acne
Increased blood sugar
Irritability and mood changes
Less resistance to infection and longer time for healing
Increased blood pressure
Weak bones, fractures
Muscle weakness
Cataracts

we are so thankful that she only experienced a few of them and they were mild. Even her doctors commented on how well she did. She will take this drug again for the first 5 days of every 21 day cycle on a higher dose and will get a rest from it for days 6-21.

To celebrate this achievement, she received a puffer fish glass bead (to represent the full face) for her Beads of Courage necklace, along with a cute face bead with crazy hair (to represent hair loss) along with a handful of other beads. She's graduated to her second string already!

Grammy (Rebecca's mom) went with us to her clinic appointment and then we headed out to a girl's lunch to celebrate her milestone.

Emma and Grammy

The view from Emma's lens

Any guesses to where we were?

Photo by Emma

It was one of the stormiest days we have had here in California all winter....record breaking and tree falling wind and rain. The storm swirling around me and blowing our car around the freeway was intimidating, powerful and destructive.....not unlike our journey. The news we received today after hearing her counts were again "great" were to expect a drop by early next week. Once she stops the Predisone, her body will truly be experiencing the full force of the chemo killing effects. It will no longer have the artificial boost of immunity and blood counts. It's a eerie feeling......knowing something bad is coming, but not knowing how destructive it will be. We are bracing ourselves for the storm. We will ride it out, in the comfort and protection of our faith and with the help of you, our beloved circle of support.

The storm is coming....

Dinner was provided to our weary family today from some long time friends....such a blessing. Emma will be able to attend Enrichment Class tomorrow at school since her counts were still good........such a blessing. Reminders of love and provision continue to fill my inbox........such a blessing. The storm will come, the storm might be huge, the storm will pass, the sun will return......such a blessing.

God's promise of protection and care-this picture was taken on our property on Februrary 26, 2010.... One year almost exactly from Day 1 of her treatment of Lymphoma which started Februrary 23, 2011.

Emma will endure a 2 hour PET Scan on Tuesday and a shorter CT Scan on Wednesday as well as a clinic visit and blood test. We will find the results from both of these scans on Wednesday when we meet with her doctors, and we are praying that the cancer has not spread or become worse. We are praying that the induction has been successful and the effects on her body are not long term. We are praying that she stays calm during both of these "lay on the table perfectly still" scans. We look forward to starting the "Maintenance" cycles of her treatment protocol-15 total. The sooner we begin, the sooner this whole ordeal will be in our rear-view mirror. We know we are in good hands, but the storm still causes our hearts to beat a little faster.

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.

Psalm 19:1‑6

-Rebecca

They all wore hats

2011-03-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

Emma is back row center wearing a hat made and donated by Confetti Betty Couture

Today, Emma's 3rd/4th grade class all surprised her and wore hats to school to support her new fashion statement. They were adorable! So much love, so much acceptance, so much support. Thank you Mrs. Sardella and Harvest Ridge Cooperative Charter School kids. You make our school a place of peace for Emma Kait.

The Circle Grows

2011-03-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

Friends,

I am humbled today. Emma Kait's story.....well really, it's no longer just her story, is reaching out. It is becoming YOUR story, in every act of participation. Her Face of Faith is touching others and they in turn, are compelled to give, to love, to offer, to gift us in ways unimaginable to us. In the last 48 hours we have been on the receiving end to many of these gifts of pure love and I must share my thankful heart, a mother's heart that swells with appreciation, thankfulness and utter peace. You are surrounding us with love and support. Emma's circle of influence is growing, out of our reach, yet that circle is coming around her to protect, provide and carry.

I must share two messages that I received just his morning. The first is from a wonderfully generous friend of a friend who is designing and making a very special bracelet for Emma Kait's journey. Please read the blog entry she posted this morning:

From Dawn

Also, a company in Washington State makes beautiful head scarves and donates them to cancer patients free of charge. This personal message was sent to me.

Dear Rebecca,

Last week we sent Emma a beautiful It’s a Wrap in our silk print called Aqua Stripe. Affixed to one of the tails of her It’s a Wrap you will find a small Swarovski Good Wishes fairy as a symbol of hope and Good Wishes from our team.

Thank you for contacting us on Emma’s behalf; please know that there is a small village of us in Washington State rooting for her recovery.

All my best,

~Linda

Please become a fan of our Good Wishes Facebook Page to follow the wonderful press we receive from the media, our recipients and sponsors.

http://www.facebook.com/425magazine?ref=ts&sk=wall#!/pages/Good-Wishes-Program/136038466447714

________________________
Linda Rawlings
The Finest Accessories, Inc.

I sit typing this at her school looking outside at a sunny playground full of kids. Emma is there. Her counts were high enough yesterday at her clinic appointment that she was cleared to come to school today and tomorrow. She is LOVING it. The normalcy, the noise, the work, she is soaking it in. I'm so proud of her fellow students. They don't stare at her thinning hair. They tell her how cute her many hats looks. They don't treat her differently. They all greet her with "Hi Emma!" everytime she walks in the door. This a a place of love and acceptance and understanding and I am so thankful.

Blessings to you all!

-Rebecca

Just a Glimpse

2011-03-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

During my studies in college they taught us to carry a camera at all times. Shoot everything. Document anything with life. Show the angle. Bring your experience to the viewer. I was young and simple minded, so I simply went walking around San Diego taking photographs of pointless things with no meaning. Lately I've had "meaning" on my mind every minute of every day. Nothing is too small or too insignificant. I'm constantly rifling through my memory and apologizing to old friends, wishing I had done this or that differently, and realizing the error of my ways. I missed too much. I didn't pay good enough attention. I wasn't focused.

Cancer has a way of making you focus, like the way you would notice a hot nail being driving into your hand. The pain is so real is forms a taste. It forces you to focus. With this new found clarity I realized I wanted to document everything. This journey is changing our daughter's life for ever, each minute of every day. I don't want to miss anything. Cancer won't define her, her faith will. Having these photographs will help us remember the struggle of the journey and bring a light to the memories, good and bad. I don't want to forget this path. We can't and shouldn't hide from it. We need to embrace it, remember it, and learn from it.

The photographs below are a simple glimpse into the normal day during a chemo treatment. Each morning seems to be the same, so I thought I would capture it to keep and learn from. We're actually finding a form of rhythm, which is both shocking and comforting. At first we we're simply crushed parents without a clue. I couldn't find the hospital. I didn't know which off-ramp to take. I couldn't find a gas station with diesel. Navigating the one-way streets of Downtown was frustrating if not impossible. Focus was lost due to tears and a constant cloud in my brain that wouldn't allow me to complete the simplest of tasks. With each appointment and prayer, this would all change. With time it has become familiar and easier. The freeways, off-ramps, turns left or right, all became clear. I hope these pictures will bring you, us, anyone in this journey, or those that may need to take this path in the future, clarity into the heart of a little girl, with faith greater than her father, love more pure than I could have ever imagined, and the strength only available through God.

- Jon

The drive: 35-60 minutes, depending on mood, traffic, and how many exits I miss due to deep thought mixed with massive amounts of worry and prayer.

Emma's usual pose as she's driven to her various appointments for blood work, chemo, spinal taps, and surgeries. On the way back she's usually asleep from exhaustion or who knows what type of drugs.

Sutter Memorial: The last time we were here as a family, our son Ben was in the NICU for nine days with newborn respiratory distress and a pneumothorax.. I thought it would be the last time I saw this tight parking lot, old building, and maze of Downtown one-way streets. Who knew!?

Our home away from home. Sutter Pediatric Oncology, Surgery, and Hematology. The first visit we were here for a simple surgery. I didn't even want to look at the side for Oncology..."that's not us" I thought.

Sutter Pediatric Oncology - I still can't believe it each time I walk by the sign, so I had to take a picture of it. Therapy for me, taking the photo and being forced to walk by it.

Rebecca and Emma. Here is where we wait, usually with other pediatric Oncology patients, watching movies, playing games, and thinking...a lot of thinking.

Emma getting weighed in before accessing port, chemo, and spinal, more chemo. Everything is based off of weight. If they lose it, ask why. If they gain it, ask why. Know you Kg/Lbs conversions too!


Wall of Heros - Kids from all walks of life that have braved the toughest thing on Earth. Emma will have her photo up here, guaranteed! When we first walked into the Oncology center this was shocking. Such beautiful children. So many amazing stories. What shocked Rebecca and I the most is that we know three kids on the wall and one is Emma's cousin, Isaiah.

Each patient has their name on a sticky note, on the door, telling you where to go. Small, insignificant thing, but seeing it makes you feel welcome and not alone.

After you finally get to your room, vitals are taken, concerns and issues are voiced, and then you wait a little more. Each room is brightly painted with very kid-friendly artwork. It seems to be a reminder to these tough little patients of some of the joys in life....plus they're fun to look at.

Strong and determined face of faith, Emma Kait.

Emma took this picture of her tired parents, as we waited for her turn to have her port accessed.

Accessing: Port access is a constant source of fear and requires flexible parenting. Emma's getting great at it! We've found that covering her head while talking to her, holding hands, and showering her with kisses, works great!

Finally accessed, her port now serves as the conduit for chemicals, blood draws, and infusions. Located four to six inches below her armpit, it will be removed after her final treatment in 12-18 months.

The loves of my life.

Daddy and Emma, waiting patiently. No, my hair isn't normally this short. Where she goes...I go.

Faith has a face. It has a name. Her name is Emma.

Rebecca doing what she does so well! SO organized!!! To anyone that needs to take this journey, take as many notes as possible. We've noticed various times where Rebecca's notes have served as a reminder for the physicians. You are the best and sometimes only advocate for your child. Write it all down. Save everything!

Trying new techniques with the new Buff. We got the idea to get these at REI from our great friend Jeanine. They are amazing!!! All the nurses and doctors love them on her.

Finished Buff style #273...hair styles and hat options help to create a smile of joy, confidence, and peace.

Still waiting. We leave the house at 9am and get home at 5pm.

Walking down the long hall from Oncology to the fifth floor where the spinal and chemo take place. She now knows the way, what to expect, and how long it might take.

Once at the fifth floor, we wait again for our turn. They take patients by age, youngest to oldest. At 10 years old, we have quite a wait. Each room is the same up at the fifth floor. There are two beds. Patients move in and out quickly. On this day we had two different patients come in, wait in the bed for a while, and then move on to their procedure.

Thank goodness for a borrowed laptop. It keeps Emma connected with her school and friends. Her grin is because she gets funny tastes in her mouth the second they put something in her port. Chemical Warfare!

I watched her little fingers navigate the computer like an old pro, chatting with anyone connected on Skype and playing games to keep her mind off of hunger. They can't eat anything starting the night before her treatment. Her last meal is usually at 9pm the day before. Treatment ends and she can eat at 3pm. The hunger seems to be the worst part for now.

A young girl, forced to grow up so fast, humming songs in her head the entire day...seriously...the WHOLE day! My heart sank yet I felt so proud and humbled at her constant humming. She always has a tune in her head. Never sad. Worried and frustrated at times, but still humming.

Getting prepped for the spinal. We can stay with her until she's asleep, then we leave and wait in the room down the hall. It's extremely difficult watching your child go limp. Hopefully with time I'll get used to it.

Waiting. We've gotten good at sitting and waiting. Think, wait, think, wait, think, and wait! Repeat if necessary.

Trying to get food ready for everyone, so Emma can eat once she's awake from the spinal. Caffeine helps with the spinal headaches! Who knew!?

Apparently when you have a really crappy illness, your parents get you whatever you want...within reason!

Support Central: Rebecca's small corner of connectivity, both in prayer and technology, has given us so much hope and ability. With a bible, Wi-Fi, and a cell phone anything is possible!

Not sure if this thing is our friend or foe. We watch, listen, and wait, as it pumps our little girl full of life-saving chemicals...yet the nurse has actual "chemo" gloves she must wear and guards any spills like a ticking bomb.

The One: Doxorubicin, or Dox to us now, might be pretty to look at but isn't pretty to the human body. Very, very, mean stuff! Dose is based on weight. She has a 15 minute "push" of Dox, then they flush the line, clean and account for everything. There appears to be a very exact science to this madness...doesn't make it any easier to watch though.

We've meet so many wonderful doctors, nurses, moms, dads, and patients. Each story is different. We've been told that numerous times. You never know how each patient will react to each treatment. Nothing is set in stone. They may lose their hair, they may not. They may get sick, they may not. Such flexibility causes frustration and hope...strange. This is just our story. Rebecca and I want to thank you all for coming along. For praying. For loving our daughter. For your thoughts throughout the day. We can't imagine doing this without you. You give us a shoulder to cry on. Our amazing Savior gives us incredible strength. He calms us in this unimaginable storm. He won't forsake us.

Thank you.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ³ For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

James 1:2-4

Daddy

2011-03-13T11:33:00.000-07:00

"Daddy!!!" That's what I've heard from my little girl her entire life. She scolds me with it for doing something wrong, saying the wrong thing, acting the wrong way, or just being a weird Dad. I've gotten quite used to it. It's never delivered with an attitude or disrespect, just the fun love a little girl has for her father when she notices I've been teasing her.

Lately the "Daddy!!!" has been used in a different way since we found out about the cancer. It comes at times of pain, worry, and frustration. Times when she's forced to lay flat on her back in hopes of keeping spinal fluid from leaking and creating a massive headache for the next three days. It comes when Mom isn't in the recovery room because she was finally able to leave and eat in the hospital cafeteria, gathering her thoughts and grasping at sanity, crying tears that she doesn't want Emma to see, and Dad is the one by her side. It comes when the needles enter the room, are cleaned, and get closer and closer. I know, I understand that I'm second best, most of the time, and nothing fills a void like Mom.

Our roll as the Dad is usually different. We tend to work in the shadows, unnoticed. We're there to support, love, fix, and save. The last two items in that list are the hardest part for me with this new journey. I've had a perpetual headache for the last two months due to my lack of ability to fix my little girl. I can't save her now. I can't take this pain away. I can't put the hair back. I can't scoop her up and sing this away or distract her with my Daddy magic. This constant internal frustration must be the cause of the headaches, which in time will go away I'm sure. Her Daddy isn't built for this. My strength and determination isn't enough. This won't go away without some serious medical and spiritual help.

I often would wonder when I die, who would show up to the funeral? If, when something bad happens, who would lend a hand and offer to help? When the bomb was dropped and our lives torn to pieces on February 16, 2011 at 4:45pm, a gear was put into play within our transmission of life and faith that had never been used. I didn't even know it was there. Family, friends, close neighbors, and people we've never met, began to jump into action. I didn't ask for it. All I did as I was clouded in shock, anger, frustration, and the most raw sadness I've ever felt, was text my Daddy, stating that "we need some serious help, Emma has Lymphoma." This rush of love and support from you, our support network, scooped us all up like I couldn't do. It provided the strength and determination I lacked. It amazed me. It still daily amazes me. You've all been there this entire time and I've been too oblivious to notice. I hope I say "Thank You" enough.

Rebecca is an amazing woman. You've read her words, witnessed her ability, and felt her emotion. She's the love of my life. On May 9, 2011 we will have been together for 20 years. After 20 years I am still in awe of her ability to handle life. In college she was the top of her class. A perfect candidate to be a doctor. Loved medicine and fixing people. Sports medicine and Athletic training was the first glimpse into her ability to handle situations like our current journey. God built and prepared her for this, long ago, and we never knew. Her professor and mentor Dr. Kuglar would call her "Mrs." Not Rebeca. Not Miss. Just Mrs. He knew she had a purpose beyond Point Loma, beyond Athletic Training, and beyond anything he could teach her. God had built her to love children more than anyone I've ever seen. She left a career and future in the medical field to have kids. At first it seemed wasteful. Such training. So many hard classes, clinics, and hours of studying. Night after night she would come home with the smell of formaldehyde from dissecting humans. I didn't get it then, but cling to it now. She was built for a purpose. She's shining in that purpose. She too has been ready for this the entire time. A mom with a mission, the mind, and faith in God...Cancer should run. Not walk, or slowly leave my little girl. Run. It has no idea what Emma's Mommy is capable of.

I know I've rambled. I'm sure I've misspelled. Punctuation and grammar are probably off a bit. I'm confused. I'm scared. I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel I might get violently mad at the smallest thing that wants to hurt my daughter. I'm quiet and don't talk much. I've realized though that there is a Daddy's point of view that I want to share and that this blog, reading and writing, is therapy for us all. I need this. I've feared cancer since I was a kid. I thought it would attack me. I knew it. I didn't know it would attack my child though. When the "bump" first appeared on Emma I immediately thought it was cancer. I don't blame the doctors. I wouldn't mind "revisiting" a certain surgeon, but they're all human and I can't blame them. Had they found it earlier she would still have cancer. What can we all learn from this? Ask more questions. Insist on more testing. Think outside the box. Press for every angle. Get multiple opinions. Never give up. This is your little girl, whom you've loved from day one. Every cell in her body is from us, blessed by God, loved by all. Scoop her up. Protect her. Pray with her. Yell to the highest mountains for her and defend her with your questions. Don't give up. Love her...Forever!

- Jon

Message from Emma

2011-03-11T14:49:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody it is Emma. My hair started to fall out so my mom's friend Sarah cut it. I really like it short and bouncy. If I mess with it some hair comes out. I can't wait to read your new posts!

Emma

The pendulum swings

2011-03-11T12:14:00.000-08:00

I started this post on Tuesday of this week and the title was "A lighter load". In that post I had photos and descriptions of how our week was going and I was feeling so positive and at peace. As the week marched on and I didn't finish the post, I found myself feeling so weighed down, the post title changed to "A heavy weight" as we experienced fear, uncertainty, and reality of many details of our situation. Now, today, I realize that this is our new life....for now. Every day brings a new challenge and hard parts, but in the midst of that, we are being carried by love. The title I decided to use, reflects that part of this journey. "The pendulum swings" describes a constant motion, ever changing, ever moving. The pendulum can not stop, for it is an essential element in the workings of the clock. There is a bigger plan happening around us while we hang on to the pendulum. We feel positive and energized sometimes, and other times we want to curl up in our beds and have it all go away, but the One in charge is never changing and never leaves us. We can be sure of that truth.

‎'Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light.' (Matthew 11:28-30)

Emma had her hair cut on Monday morning by our sweet and generous friend, Sarah. Emma LOVED it. Here are the pictures of that day.

She has a LOT of hair. Everyone comments about how thick and beautiful it is. She has always wanted to cut it and has cut it twice (once when she was 3 years old and wanted to be like "Mulan" from Disney who cuts her hair off with a machete). She is not attached to her hair, like I have been.

Almost 2 feet of hair.

So excited for this day

The cuts are harder to watch for me than her to expericence.

Joy

Half way done

Happy with the results

Finishing touches

The happy girl

Finished results

We then had a clinic appointment that afternoon and had a trying episode of accessing the port. Picture two nurses and myself trying to console and hold still a fighting and scared 10 year old girl, while they clean and prep a sterile area to poke a needle into a still very swollen and sore port area. We survived the "access" and then learned that her blood counts were indeed high enough to be able to attend a Sacramento Kings game that evening which our good friends, Kyle and Angie generously gave us tickets to. We invited my brother Garrett and his girlfriend Erika and we all had a great time with the amazing seats only 8 rows back from the floor.

Emma and Erika's first time to a King's game

Getting closer to the floor

My girl

Excited and having fun

Uncle Garrett

Cotton candy quest

Since her blood work was very good, we have discussed and decided with her doctors that she can attend some school. Tuesday and Wednesday "we" went back to school. I say "we" since I worked there too as a classroom aide and the Physical Education teacher for the school. It felt normal and back to our old life for those two days. She got to be back with her 3rd and 4th grade combination class, back with her teacher, back on the playground, back working on her mission report, back at the lunch table and back to math homework.....(bummer). I spent the time in my old office catching up on the piles of medical paperwork that has flooded our mailbox, sending emails, making appointments, etc. all while peering out my office window to the familiar playground that I spent every school day since September organizing classes and teaching great kids. I almost could forget our reality. It felt so good to be back.

Back at her team, "Stallion's Mane"

Thursday was different. We had her scheduled clinic visit, port access, blood draw, chemo, anethesia, spinal tap and intrathecal chemo. Our day started at the clinic at 10am and ended at 3pm. The clinic was full of toddlers crying, families enduring, waiting parents, busy nurses, hurried doctors, screaming babies, and waiting and waiting and waiting. The same kids cycle through the appointments so when I sign Emma's name in on the clipboard in the office, the names are all familiar. We say hi to little Emma's mom as we have run into her every time we've been at the clinic. We compare stories of how our Emma's are feeling and the procedures they are scheduled for during the day. A sobering reality in our journey together.

Reality

The spinal tap went well, and Emma came out of anesthesia very happy and chatty. They avoided a spinal headache this time by changing the needle used for her spinal tap and then "pushing" an entire bag of special IV fluids into her for an hour while she layed completely flat. This increased her blood pressure which resulted in counter acting any negative pressure from leaking spinal fluid. She did not suffer with any headache this time, so we were happy with that. Feeling good. Energized. Hope-filled.

We arrived home, exhausted from our day. We had two care packages on our front porch meant to encourage and support. It is such a beautiful expression of love and support to receive such packages. One of those packages was from a foundation that support families with children diagnosed with cancer. The package was filled with a blanket for Emma, a sketch book for Ben and a DVD movie for Joseph. It also contained a check (what a blessing) and a folder full of information and pamphlets.......reality stings sometimes. I didn't want to read this information. I don't want to add to my brain the scary realities that are typed on the pamphlets. I cringe at the words "childhood cancer", "prognosis", "patient". I feel sad and burdened while I read a booklet called, "When your brother or sister has cancer" printed from the American Cancer Society, and it states that, "Every day in the United States, 46 children are diagnosed with cancer. And every day, the brothers and sisters of these children are thrust into a world of experiences that will impact their lives forever." I sink into feeling even more tired and more burdened. We have two other children, that are included in this journey. Two boys named Joseph and Ben that did not choose this journey, but are being swept along in it's churning waters. I am sad, I am spent, I don't feel prepared to face the future and all that we have to do and experience as a family, and I feel weighted down.

Recovering after spinal tap and chemo while lying completely flat

Strength beyond comprehension

We woke this morning and the sun was shining. The smell of spring grass growing and of plum blossoms emerging mixed with the smells of pancakes and bacon which starving and happy Emma woke up and made for her brothers. A feeling of hope slowly eeked back into my bones.

Spring is one of my favorite seasons. God knows I need the renewing reminder of His presence. The rhythm of the seasons is a gentle reminder of the constancy and care of God. The winter is coming to a close, the growth will happen. The grass will fill in the scars of muddy ruts that were created over soaking driveways and pastures. The gardens will return, the mowing and weeding will be needed.

The fact that with each handful of hair that is now filling our wastebaskets, there will be restoration. With each poke of the needle, there will be strength. With each meal brought, there is love. With each mis-uttered word or lack of patience between my husband and I, there will be grace. With each mistake, healing. I am holding onto the pendulum. I am finding that the rhythm of it's movement is comforting. I know that with every hard and cold point, we will swing back into the warmth and peace.

Thank you Smith Family, for the handmade quilt

Port is Placed

2011-03-05T21:33:00.000-08:00

Emma's port was successfully placed yesterday with "almost" no complications. The 30-45 minute procedure began a hour late, took 2 hours to complete, had 3 additional incisions made, gave the surgeon "some trouble" getting placed, caused recovery to be rougher, then the port which was "accessed" under anesthesia (needle placed through the skin ready and waiting for an IV line to be attached to) would not work at first, so had to be adjusted, flushed (with no success) then de-accessed and then re-accessed with a new longer needle all while she was awake, and feeling quite sore from the actual placement of the port a mere hour or so before.

It finally was successful and the chemo was given and we were sent home......gladly!

She rested today, watched some movies, and then even got to go hang out for a few hours at our close friend Amy and Bill's house (while the boys were at soccer and the mom had a quiet house to herself for the first time in 3 weeks....ahhhh). It was a good way to end a very hard week. She experienced no nausea this time from the one chemo drug that she was given, and we are praying that this week brings many more days of recovery, healing and rest.

Here are some photos of the last few days. Blessings, peace and rest to all!

Girl Scout troop......made it to a meeting the afternoon between inpatient and port surgery

Ambulatory Care pre-surgical wait

Early morning.....6am

Emma likes to cocoon herself in blankets after surgery....needing ice chips from dad

Port access problems

Endurance

The following photos are from earlier in our week

Happy to make Joseph's science fair....not happy to be so close to Ruby the snake!

Beautiful handmade quilt

Blogging from room 660 B

Peaceful spirit

Grace

Jacob and Emma-friends from church, bonded together through trial, protected and loved by God-please keep Jacob in your prayers. His struggle is just as hard, just as deep, and in many ways more challenging. Thank you friends.

Determination

2011-03-05T13:59:00.000-08:00

"For when trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy! For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed you will be strong in character and ready for anything." James 1:2-4 NLT

God made Emma with one of the sweetest and most empathetic hearts ever. He also gave her determination....one that she exhibited in fleeting glimpses. I have been remembering other times in her life that give me visual representation of that determination I knew was present in her heart, but now as she faces this journey, she is showing us proof , on a daily basis, how that DETERMINATION is there and it grows stronger and stronger.

Our family spent many years traveling to a place called Sand Mountain in the salt flats of Nevada. It's a true God created location and unusual natural wonder. It is a mountain of white sand......rising up out of dry lake bed. Adventure seekers who appreciate the motorized source of recreation, travel there with their trucks, RV's, quads, sand rails and motorcycles to camp at the bottom of this mountain and....RIDE.

Waking up on the first morning

Joseph 8, Emma 6, Ben 4 years old

Joseph, Gavin and Delaney

Miss Emma Kait

Jon, Robb and Ben ready to ride

Top of the Mountain

God's glory never changes, his mercies are new every morning


Garrett and Jon at one of Jon's favorite places in the world-on the edge of the mountain

We spent about five years traveling there twice a year and spending a long weekend with wonderful family friends, many gallons of fuel, endless piles of sand, circles of kids playing around bonfires, and few quiet nights, feeding the husband's and kid's need for speed. We all loved it. It defined a more carefree time of our life....in many ways.

There is a series of photos of Emma that keep coming to my mind. She was 6 years old. They tell a story.....a little girl....the only girl in our extended family at that time....surrounded by boys.....proving to herself that she could keep up......getting stuck.......having a challenge.........proving to herself and others.......she had determination.....

We never knew this was a glimpse into her future. A future that would require this kind of determination for her journey. The kind of journey that reaches above your head, bigger than your body, heavier than your strength, more daunting than your life experience, more mature than your age, but one that you rely not on your own determination or strength, but on God's alone.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

It's the little things

2011-03-02T21:13:00.000-08:00

I have always felt inadequate and awkward when it comes to comforting someone in a challenge, a struggle, someone who is facing life changing realities, or someone who is mourning. I have thoughts that swirl around about how bad I feel for them, how I would like to do or say something to help them get through the difficult situation, or thoughts about how I could help. I usually fail to act or say much due to my insecurities about saying or doing "the right thing".

I am learning. God is teaching me through this journey, that it's not really WHAT is said, but the love and honesty behind the words. It's the little acts of care and thoughfulness....however small or insignificant seeming, that makes all the difference in how lonely or scary your situation feels. Thank you for all the little things that are carrying us and warming our hearts.

Some of the little things:

Jeff, our nurse from 7pm to 7am, who offered to bring in a real bed (even though that is not "allowed" for parents) for me to sleep on last night to get a better night's rest.

Amy, who drove all the way to Sacramento to bring Emma her glasses.

Bethany, who painted Emma's toes......twice.

Nate, who simply texted me "love you guys".

Janet and Sharee, who baked us homemade bread.

Kim, our day nurse who issued me a parking pass for a whole month.....even though it should have only been for 3 days. ($1 per hour of parking every time we are here can really add up).

Facebook messages.

Anissa and Chris, who sent a care package from Illinois complete with a portable DVD player for Emma.

Carmen, who packed me a "mom's hospital survival kit" in a beautiful floral tote bag with everything to make any hospital stay more bearable.

Notes and cards for Emma and for us.

My husband Jon, how could I have picked a better husband and father for our kids. You are my first love and the only one I can imagine walking through this journey with side by side. (I guess that's not really a "little thing" but after you seeing this picture taken this afternoon, understand why I mention this).

We hope to be discharged tomorrow. Emma is feeling good. We will go home to rest for less than 24 hours and then come back early Friday morning for her port placement surgery. The journey continues....

The first bump

2011-03-01T17:31:00.000-08:00

Within minutes of pressing "publish post" last night on my recent blog entry, Emma came into our room crying. She was having chest pressure and pain, throat pain and stomach pain. After trying to console her for a few minutes, and after taking her temperature and finding it within normal range, she started shaking all over. We then called the Dr. and he wanted us to come to the hospital right away....11pm and he would admit her for at least 2 days. She and I drove the 45 minutes on the dark freeway down to the hospital in Sacramento. After a long IV placement (they punctured her vein, couldn't draw blood, administered 2 syringes of saline into her tissue, before finally finding the correct placement and getting a successful line) drawing labs, started stat antibiotics, and ordering a blood culture, we finally were able to rest. We will be here at least 2 days while they culture her blood, looking for any hidden infection that may be the cause of her unusual symptoms. The first of many bumps.......on our road. Sigh!

She is feeling much better today and we are realizing that this is part of the journey. We are praying for a cause of her symptoms and quick resolution. We are also praying this does not push back her port placement surgery scheduled for Friday.

She spent the day adjusting to her newest hospital stay, playing scrabble with Grammy, eating Pirates Booty, watching a few movies and getting a "wish" granted by a wonderful program called "Little Wishes". She was full of smiles after selecting a new Nintendo DSI to be delivered in the next few days.

Thank you for caring about her journey. She continues to smile.

Clarity....sort of

2011-02-28T22:21:00.000-08:00

Calling Grammy to tell her about the snow falling at our house

We had our first of many "clinic" visits today. Each week for the remainder of her treatment will begin on Mondays with a visit similar to the one we experienced today. The pediatric oncology offices are similar to any physician's office, but I'm gathering that there is a more open door policy than most. I guess cancer kind of takes away some of the privacy that one might come to expect in any other setting. The patient and their parents need to see so many different specialists within that one clinic visit, that it's more of an ebb and flow of doctors (we saw three today), nurses (we saw three different nurses today) and social workers. The door to each treatment room always stays open and you can hear parents report on how the week is going, any change of behavior, any cause for concern, any high temperatures noted and discussed. The child's name is written on a yellow sticky note (that gets attached to their treatment room door) along with all the other peds oncology patients that will trickle through the office that day. The little window that holds the handwritten names of our children, these precious, innocent, brave little patients stabs my heart when I see them. These names of children that belong to families that never knew this would be a part of each of their stories. An indelible mark of bravery and struggle that each family must walk through. Such a simple reminder, written on little yellow slips of paper.

She had her blood drawn today, the last time through a vein in her arm. Going forward all blood will be able to be drawn via her port. We had good news today. ANC level is good. Platelet count is good. Other aches and pains are all normal and can be expected with the amount and varied number of medications that she is now taking. Her wound looked good and we have discussed her surgery plan for port placement coming this Friday.

Snow Day with the boys in her life (Dad, Joseph, Ben)

We discussed a few options and hope for her to be able to attend some school on some days bearing ANC level, energy level and other risk factors. (with me by her side) She is excited at the possibility and we cautiously hope that might be a reality.....sometimes. We discussed again some of her 10 year old kid concerns and she took the news like a seasoned oncology patient, not one who had just learned of her journey not more than a few days ago. I continued to be amazed by her strength, continued to be bothered by the details and the unknown bumps in the road ahead of us, and continue daily to be humbled by the great love and care each of you, our treasured family and friends are heaping upon us.

Celebrate

2011-02-26T11:09:00.000-08:00

"Celebration is the way in which faith in the God of life is lived out, through both laughter and tears."

˜Henri Nouwen

Today I hope to share some of the blessings and miracles that our family has experienced in these last few weeks that point to the unmistakable hand of God in the midst of our trial. We celebrate each of these and know that God is placing people and situations in our life to share our load and lift our spirits. He promises to do the same for each of you. I invite you to peek into the inner-workings of a Savior who cares for the details of life.....

Family Support

We have a close and large family, many members living within seconds and minutes from our house. Merely 3 months ago, Jon's parents moved onto our shared family property, the property we purchased 5 years ago right before we learned of his Dad's Lymphoma (Burkett's) battle. They are currently finishing their house that is "over the river and through the woods" from ours separated by several acres. We have privacy, yet we have Grandma and Grampa right there to help with the daily chores and tasks like taking down the trash can, letting out the chickens and making daily grocery drops since Grandma works at Raleys. Because of his experience beating this type of cancer, he has understanding, suggestions and little tricks to help with the chemo for Emma that none of us could know or understand.

My mom and dad, sister Bethany, her husband Robb, my brother Garrett all live within 15 min. of our house and have acted as my right hand-or maybe a third hand in this case. Bethany and Robb's son Gavin attends school with my kids, so she has been able to pick up the boys any day that is necessary, and my mom and dad in their "retirement" are available and willing to do anything that comes to us. The kids spend time at both of their homes so often, that going to Grammy's or Bethany's after school or on the weekend is something they look forward to and cheer for. We are carried by their unending love and support.

My brother in law Dan (Jon's sister Christa's husband) is a 4th year Pathology resident at USC. We have been texting pictures of the "bug bite" to them since the beginning. They are the ones who advised us to take her to the emergency room to get it looked at more closely after we'd been spinning our wheels for a few weeks not getting a correct diagnosis. That was the first step to getting the mystery solved. He was also able to fast track a 2nd opinion at both USC Medical Center as well as a confirmation of her specific treatment protocol at Children's Hospital of Los Angeles for us within days of us sending him the pathology slides from her surgery. We have peace of mind knowing that many eyes have looked at all her tests and biopsies and confirmed her diagnosis and treatment.

My cousin Nate and his family have just finished their own 3 year battle with Leukemia with their son Isaiah. www.isaiahoates.com. Nate is also our pastor and shares life with us at Emmaus Church Community. www.emmauscommunity.org They have a level of understanding that only fellow parents of a child diagnosed with cancer can know. He was the first to come to our hospital room, the night we were admitted at Sutter Memorial. He walked into the room to hug me, and after lending me unspoken love and support, quietly mentioned that "this was Isaiah's room" It seems unfair that two kids in our close family should ever have to endure this trial, but there is support, there is honesty and there is comfort, because of that fact. All the nurses know Isaiah and his family and so we don't feel like strangers in the halls of the pediatric oncology department. Emma can't wait to share her Beads of Courage with Isaiah and his sister Sienna.

Friends

Our wonderful and generous friends Amy and Bill Donovan have stepped up to organize our "master plan" of helpful and practical blessings from all of you. She has worked tirelessly creating an email list, data base, volunteer website (all of which are somewhat out of her comfort zone or expertise) and countless other tasks I don't even know about. She quietly slips in every evening to our home to deliver the meals that have been prepared for us, drops off our mail, receives hundreds of emails and phone calls for us, traveled to the hospital with me to fill out piles of paperwork and releases for Emma's 2nd opinion, all while being a mom and wife to her busy family. She has done this with such joy and humbleness. She has been a rock for me.

Our friend and neighbors, Lorena and Dick live on our shared country road. They own the first miniature dachshund that Emma fell in love with 3 years ago, named Portia. We now own two dachshunds ourselves thanks to Emma's love of these little dogs, including our newest puppy Hank who is Portia's son. Dick and Lorena came driving up our driveway right before Christmas with three adorable puppies from Portia and my kids begged and pleaded and we decided that could be their "big" Christmas present. Hank is a huge comfort for Emma and is the puppy she holds in her recent pictures taken. Lorena happens to be a Pharmacist. She generously offered to be our personal Pharmacist through this journey. I simply call her with our newest prescriptions or medication needs and she fills them herself, has fast tracked the authorization of the meds with insurance, and delivers it all to our door. They have also agreed to "puppy sit" Hank any time we need to be at the hospital for an extended period of time.

Joseph, our strong and determined, 12 year old and Emma's big brother, is a soccer player. He and two of his good friends and fellow team mates from his Select team decided they wanted to take a risk and try out for a local Competitive soccer club. The weekend between Emma's hospitalizations and before her diagnosis, he and his buddies took a deep breath and attended an intimidating try out with an unknown coach and scores of very talented players. On the first day, one friend was accepted to the team, the second day the other friend was accepted. On the final day, he came to us with a brave smile on his face stating that unfortunately he did not make it. That was a blow to us, since both of those friend's dads were his soccer coaches for the last two years as well and would no longer be coaching since their sons made the Comp team. John Rowland and Tony Federico are remarkable coaches and men of faith and examples to Joseph about having character and integrity both on and off the field. Fast forward 6 days after the tryout. Joseph also plays on an indoor team with those friends at a local indoor soccer facility. He had resigned himself to looking for other sport options for the fall and so played his indoor game with the confidence and abandon that comes when you have nothing to prove and nothing to gain. God knew.....the very coach that had cut him from the Comp team, also happens to own the indoor soccer facility (we did not know that). Joseph had the game of his life. The coach noticed and the next day Joseph was offered a spot on the Competitive team. This is a blessing to us as Joseph has an outlet, a focus for his extracurricular life, his close buddies are on his team, his former coaches are in his life, and both the Rowland and Federico families live right up the street from us and have offered rides to Joseph anytime during this new and very complicated schedule and location of practices. This team will carry Joseph almost to the end of Emma's scheduled treatment. A true miracle.

Support and Generosity

There are so many who have stepped up in these last few days to show us your love and support through many ways. Thank you! ( I apologize if I've missed someone or something)
Henning family who brough us food, shampoo, tea, Panera lunch and loaded Emma's ipod with music and stories while we were at the hospital
Oates, Beidler, Ochoa, Henning, Willey, Hancock, Russell, Graupensperger families who have prepared meals for us.
Sprouse and Hancock familes who have allowed Joseph to come home after school to work on science and burn some after school energy.
Flom family who took Ben to the movies.
Bethany, my sister and Emma's aunt who gave her a pedicure in her hospital room bed.
Tessa, my sister and her husband Arnaud, in Paris, France, Dan and Christa is Los Angeles and all the cousins, Great Gramps and Granny Franny, and Anissa (Jon's sister) and her husband Chris in Illinois, for loving us and supporting us from afar.
Mrs. Wenstrom and the families of Ben's 2nd grade class who threw him a fabulous and fun 8 year old birthday party
Mrs. Sardella, who is working to help Emma not get behind at school and has arranged for skyping lessons and opportunites online for Emma so she doesn't miss the great parts of being a 4th grade student.
The many friends and family who sent Ben a huge stack of birthday cards. He was thrilled!
My friend's and colleagues at Harvest Ridge Cooperative Charter School who have filled the gaps during my absence, had love and hugs of support for me, visited us at the hospital, covered my PE classes, and have arranged subsitute teachers for my many roles at school and have promised to "keep my seat warm" for whenever I am able to return. Thank you Janel, Cathy, Andrea, Tina and Janet. I love you ladies and feel forever supported by you.
The families and students at HRCCS, for lending your love and support and understanding as to why Mrs. Stanphill disappeared one day and has not been able to return to teach PE. Many have volunteered to help out in my absence and many have donated gas or grocery cards to help out.
Sarah Sevey, my friend, for styling Emma's hair for her photo shoot, even while Emma layed face down on my lap due to her spinal headache.
Nicole Cook, my friend and photographer, for caputuring Emma's strenghth and beauty in images for us.
Kaitliyn Henning, 17 years old, who is fasting every Saturday in support of Emma.
Riley, a young man who is shaving his head in honor of Emma.
For the many friends who have offered ideas, suggestions, and volunteered to help Emma and honor her journey in ways yet to be announced.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

-Ephesians 3:20-21

Gratitude

2011-02-25T18:17:00.000-08:00

Dearest Family and Friends,

Today the sun is shining after a beautiful snow shower at our house, Emma is feeling better-in fact is acting just like her usual sweet, perky 10 year old self, and I feel like we are finding our brains again and are able to breath a little. These last 9 days have been a whirlwind of information, fear, sadness, fatigue, peace, blessings and grace. I speak for Jon, myself, Joseph, Emma and Ben when I write these words to you, our cheering and supportive circle.

Thank you-how can these two words ever be said in a way to convey what a blessing and overwhelming system of support you have all been to us? After learning that Emma indeed had the diagnosis of Lymphoma, within hours we had people jumping into action in thoughts, prayers and deeds for us. The four days at the hospital were spent cocooned in our hospital room, but we were far from alone. You were sending emails of support, suggestions, offers to help, prayer and love. Know that this carried us out of a very dark and scary time.

It is beyond humbling to be on the receiving end of so much love and support, and quite frankly feels awkward at times. I would hope that if any of you were ever in a similar situation, and I know that many of you have already been, that I would be as selfless and grace-filled as you all have been to us.

As you read of opportunities to support Emma Kait and her journey through Lymphoma, please do not feel obligated in any way to participate in anything. I see, especially in this time, how God gifts people in so many different ways with talents and those talents are different for everyone. So many people are offering to use their unique talents or associations to show support for Emma. What a huge blessing this is to us. Please see these as choices and never an expectation. We are humbled by it all. We are overwhelmed by it all, and will be forever grateful.

I plan to update this blog as often as I can, and it is where I share her journey, her story, in as much honesty as I can. I pray you can follow her journey through and out of this disease, and that it will forever point to the glory, power, and unimaginable LOVE of our God for each of us.

Forever praising Him,

Rebecca, Emma's mom
For the entire Stanphill Family

Rest

2011-02-24T21:50:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking all day about a post sharing some of the many miracles already experienced by our family, but I am tired. Emma is tired. The first night was a rough experience. She was sick all night long from the chemo and part of the morning. I was very surprised that the chemo affected her body so quickly. We called the Dr. and they added another medication to hopefully help combat the nausea and vomiting. She was only able to keep down a few liquids today, and so we are watching for dehydration. She sleeps soundly now beside me. I'm thankful that she can rest. I will save sharing the miracles until the morning. They are stories meant to encourage. They are a beautiful testament to God's faithfulness and love. Until tomorrow, I am resting in this promise tonight:

Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads.

I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

47 beads

2011-02-23T23:23:00.000-08:00

You, Lord, give true peace. You give peace to those who depend on you.

You give peace to those who trust you.

-Isaiah 26:3

And the journey starts

The details of our journey are now known. The route we will take is mapped out, the detours we might need to take are unknown, the people we will meet along the way are strangers to us now, the details of the trip are yet to be determined, the experiences are coming, the views from the mountains are not yet seen, the weariness of our bodies can only be imagined, but the peace is promised, the peace is here.

Emma has Stage 3 Non-Hodgkins Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma

Her treatment plan stretches out before us for at least 1 year--(29 days of "Induction" and then 15 cycles that last for 21 days each)

She is one of 2500 children who will be diagnosed with Leukemia or Lymphoma this year in the nation

There have been cancer cells found in lymph nodes all over her body including neck, axillary (arm pits), inguinal (leg creases) and behind her intestines

There is a very high cure rate and we have been very encouraged by the numbers we've been given

We are having a second and possibly third opinion on the diagnosis

Treatment started today

She is strong, she is peaceful, she is graceful and insightful

She said to us, "Sometimes you just have to look at the bright side of things"while walking out of the hospital today after hearing the plan for treatment, possible side effects, possible hair loss, probable sickness, and schedule of next surgery to have a Port placed in her chest to receive her Chemotherapy and blood draws from here on out

Day 1 of "Induction" . 29 days of medications that will effect every cell of her body

Getting her PICC line removed after chemo. Not needed anymore due to Port being placed in 9 days ready for next round of chemotherapy

Learning about the Port which will live inside her chest for the next 12 months or so. She was truly interested in how it worked and wanted to feel it and asked questions about it

My "homework"

Beads of Courage

www.beadsofcourage.net

As of today, Februrary 23, 2011 Emma has "earned" 47 Beads of Courage. She is so proud. These 47 beads tell the story of her journey so far. The necklaces are given to the kids to honor the challenging journey they take while receiving care for cancer or blood conditions. The necklaces start off with simply the child's name then colorful glass beads that visually represent the many challenges they overcome along their treatment journey are added to the string to tell their own unique story of courage.

Emma's Beads as of today:

11 Yellow Beads (Inpatient Admission to Hospital)

2 Beige Beads (Bone Marrow Aspirate/Biopsy)

8 Light Green Beads

(Tests: CT Scan, PET Scan, EKG, ECHO, Bone Scan, Nuclear Scan)

4 Purple Beads (Antibiotics represented in weeks)

4 Black Beads (Pokes-blood draws, IV Starts)

3 Blue Beads (Clinic Visit)

3 Orange Beads (Line placement or removal of PICC)

2 Silver Beads (Dressing Change)

1 Tortoise Bead (Lumbar Puncture)

2 Magenta Beads (ER and Ambulance)

1 Lime Bead (Isolation)

1 Aqua (Tube placement)

1 White Bead (Chemotherapy)

2 Star Beads (Surgery)

1 "Bumpy" Bead (Medication Challenges)

1 Heart Bead (Act of Courage)

These 47 beads tell the story of the bravest little girl I know. They attest to the fact that she's been on this journey for some time and the trials have begun. These beads will be added to over the months that she is in treatment and have already become a treasure to her. This is her unique story, her journey, but one that she shares with others. We welcome you to come along. Many of you have already packed your bags and made preparations to come with us. The journey will not be easy, but we are trusting in the One who prepared us for it. This journey will produce a beautiful rainbow necklace of glass beads, but more importantly, it will illustrate the strength of one little girl, will bind together a family, will inspire a community and above all point to the love, protection and unbound-less power of our God.

Message from Emma

2011-02-22T17:57:00.000-08:00

Thank you for all your messages, they are very encouraging. My back is feeling better but my headaches still have not gone away, but better then they were. I got pictures taken of me at my house today, Nicole took my pictures and Sarah did my hair, it looked great.(Thanks Sarah and Nicole!!) I was really happy to see all your messages and to know that everyone is praying for me. Donut day was really fun and I LOVED the donuts, they were the best so far. I am eager to see your new messages.

Love,

Emma Kait Stanphill

A little bit of normal

2011-02-21T21:49:00.000-08:00

Our family has a quirky little tradition that started because my youngest sister Tessa would always beg my mom to make doughnuts, partially due to a wonderful children's book called Homer Price by Robert McCloskey and the inspiring picture of doughnuts filling a room. To satisfy my sister's desire for doughnuts filling our kitchen, my mom conceded to making doughnuts at home by scratch once a year. President's Day was chosen because my mom was a teacher and she always would be guaranteed to have the day off school. Homemade doughnuts are not a quick or easy or clean thing to make and requires most of the day to accomplish (plus about 2 whole containers of vegetable oil for frying!)

The tradition has continued for 20 plus years and we now have our kids participating and looking forward to it.

Funny thing....we are not very successful. Every year we diligently and enthusiastically (some more than others in the family) try new dough recipes, cutters, batter dispensers, oil temperature and toppings for the doughnuts. They are never very tasty. And then there was the infamous "doughnut that resembled the anatomy of a human heart".

The adults of the family slowly realized that we actually preferred the taste of bought doughnuts, so for the last two years, much to the kids dismay, have purchased the doughnuts to be consummed on our Doughnut Day.

Last week, the kids made it clear that they wanted us to try again to make doughnuts this year. Armed with new enthusiasm, we picked a recipe and planned the day. My sister Tessa, who now lives and works in Paris, France was even going to make the same recipe and skype to us on the day.

Then, last Wednesday our lives changed. Emma was so hoping to make it to Doughnut Day, and thankfully, she did just that. Together as a family, we gathered today at my mom's house, my sister Bethany whipped up the recipe-which by the way was hands down the BEST doughnuts we've made to date-thanks to my favorite recipe blog: www.thepioneerwoman.com, the cousins played inside and outside, Emma helped cut out doughnuts, and we melded together, took naps, laughed, and played as a family, gathering our strength and resolve for the future.

My girl and me in our matching jammies

Cousin Lily

Lily's second Doughnut Day and still not sure about it


Benjamin-Emma's little brother who is turning 8 years old tomorrow

Happy Birthday Ben!

Laughing with crazy cousin Carter

The results

As my dad says, "Not Bad!"

Lily and Emma Kait

Thankful for a little bit of "normal" because of our very abnormal family tradition.

The past few days....a journey in pictures

2011-02-21T20:58:00.000-08:00

The morning after hearing about our new journey

Exploring the playroom with dad

Happy still in the face of so much uncertainty-she amazes me with her strength

One of her favorite things to do to pass the time-also helped masked the sounds of beeping, paging and other conversations around her

Checking out the four chambers of her heart

Contemplating

Having fun with an Ipad while patiently waiting for anesthesia, bilateral bone marrow biopsy, spinal tap and PICC line placement

Emma's favorite teachers of all time-Mrs. Wenstrom and Mrs. Sardella

Every 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th grade student at our school made her a card

Laughing and enjoying their artwork for her

One of her favorites :) -thanks Nate S.

Going for a ride

Her face is still smiling, but it's all taken a toll on her little body

We are not alone

2011-02-20T08:49:00.000-08:00

The early mornings around the hospital are the hardest times for me as a mom. Usually it's quiet and only the nurses and parents of kids are moving around trying to accomplish tasks before the kids wake up and need all of our attention and energy. My thoughts from the quiet this morning kept coming back to this phrase:

WE ARE NOT ALONE

We are not alone...my friend from church, Teresa and her 14 year old son Jacob are right across the hall....literally five steps away from our room. Jacob has been struggling with a different journey for a longer time, but they were admitted again the day before we arrived. Teresa, having experienced "club Sutter" several times before, sent me over her brand new sleeping pad to add to the top of the Oh so hard hospital chair/couch/bed contraption that becomes a parent's office, kitchen, closet, livingroom and bed, so I could have a better first night's sleep. Thank you Teresa.

We are not alone....across the hall is another little girl named Emma. She's 2 1/2 and blond with a peaceful round face like our Emma Kait. She was also admitted the same day we were with Leukemia. Her journey stretches out 3 years ahead of that family. She has two siblings at home and a mom a dad who look just as tired and "deer in the headlights" as we do. My sister Bethany has actually met this family before as they have a common very good friend. We have shared our stories of disbelief in the hallway together as we pass to the kitchen to grab a snack or a warm blanket for our Emma's. I pray strength and healing to you little Emma

We are not alone....since 2am on the night we were admitted, we have shared our small hospital room on the 6th floor with three other souls. Beautiful 6 month old baby Diana who has a tender spirit and large dark trusting eyes and her parents have spent the last 4 days mere 6 inches from Emma Kait's bed separated only by a curtain, which we have to move aside and wiggle our IV pole around her crib every time Emma needs to get up. At first I thought, "Oh, no. We have to share our room with an infant.....a crying, needy, up at odd hours, baby." She has been a blessing to us. She is the happiest baby I have ever known...even in the face of now getting dosed with chemotherapy and other drugs which she often vomits from, she smiles every time we see her and she settles down and sleeps quietly the entire night. Her parents speak very little English, so we unfortunately were audio witnesses to her parents learning for the first time on our second morning here that their precious baby girl (they also have two boys age 4 and 3 1/2) is "very sick" with Leukemia. We heard the news in slow, deliberate speech that comes when using a translator. We heard the shock, the fear, the mourning in their sobs as the news sunk in. We have shared our space with these kind and considerate people, smelled their wonderful beans, rice and tortillas three meals a day, heard their baby babble and click her little lips as they sing lullabies to her. Please keep them in your prayers. I will forever be linked to Diana and her family and will continue to pray for her miraculous healing. Blessings, strength and healing to you sweet family.

We are not alone....the outpouring of love has been staggering. I can not begin to express our gratitude at the hundreds of offers to help in so many ways. We are being carried by you, our family, friends, co-workers, prayer chains, bible studies, churches, and cloisters both here and around the world. You are truly being God's hands and feet to us. We are forever grateful and humbly thank you for lifting and carrying so our load seems easier to bear. Leaning on your support.

We are not alone...our God is here. He will be victorious. He loves Emma Kait. She is more precious to Him than I as her mother can even begin to fathom.

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart.
Isaiah 40:11
 
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,

present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6
 
Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7
 
Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
 
Cast your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Psalm 55:22

The story so far......

2011-02-19T16:35:00.000-08:00

Back in December a small "bug bite" type bump appeared on Emma's neck and like any typical 10 year old, she mentioned it to us and we asked, "Does it hurt or itch?" her answer was "no" so life went on with school, piano lessons, Girl Scouts, sleep overs and playing with her brothers. Over the next few weeks, the bump did not improve, in fact it got worse. On Christmas Day, her lymph nodes were affected and swollen and I had my first pit in my stomach. We saw 7 doctors over the following 3 weeks, and had surgery done on the wound which was first diagnosed as a bacterial infection, spent 6 days in the hospital and we were sent home with a PICC line and IV antibiotics. The next 4 weeks were spent dosing with antibiotics, chasing allergic reactions, enduring painful wound care both at home and at the clinic and fighting an extremely aggravating and dangerous yeast type infection around her PICC line. The feeling in my gut never went away and when the wound and lymph nodes were still not improving, we got a second opinion at the hospital in Sacramento which specializes in pediatrics. A second surgery was done, tissue samples taken, lymph node biopsy and culture sent to pathology. A week later we got the news in the doctor's office that no parent wants to hear about their child. "There is a reason why the wound was not healing. She has Lymphoma. Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma. We are admitting her tonight to start the many tests and procedures to find out the "stage" of the cancer." We now sit in the hospital, three days after our life changed forever, waiting to find out the results which determine the next days, weeks, months ahead for our family and especially for our daughter. She is a Face of Faith. Our sweet and precious child of God. Our Emma Kait.