Friday, April 8, 2011

Back In....

Yesterday, Emma was scheduled for her first round of maintenance chemo and spinal tap.  Unfortunately, her ANC level (white blood cells = immunity) was a dead zero.  That meant that they could not move forward with any therapy until her numbers improved.  We were sent home until our appointment on Monday......we thought.

At 5:30 this morning, she came into our room complaining of being hot......102.4 degrees hot.

Jon and I moved through the abnormally familiar routine of calling the doctor, hearing that we should head to the hospital right away, rounding up her medical binder, loading the cell phone charger, laptop, clothing changes, toothbrushes, etc. and making the 32 mile trip to the hospital.

They are looking for signs of infection.  They are treating her with IV antibiotics.  They are monitoring her temperature, blood work and ANC levels.  We will be here a minimum of 2-3 days and possibly longer pending results of her blood cultures.

We have been here before.  In this very room.  With the same nurses.  With the same questions, instructions and warnings.  This is familiar, but not comfortable.  This is upsetting, but not devastating.  This is a setback, but not a catastrophe.  We are trying to stay positive and strong for her.

We have been noticing lately that our emotions are a bit out of sync.  Jon and I have both experienced times recently that we've been given very exciting and good news, or quite negative news involving details of our life, not related to Emma's medical diagnosis.  We have not had the usual appropriate responses to either of these situations.  We don't get overly excited, and we also don't get completely upset. I think we have to stay so stable in our emotional state for Emma's sake and continue to have to ride out unexpected situations with her condition, that normal emotional responses are dulled to a slight feeling of joy or sadness, but not to the appropriate level.  I don't know if this is a natural protective instinct that our brains default to, when one has experienced a huge amount of emotional input, or if that is God, quietly taking on the burden on our behalf. I believe it's the latter choice.  Thankfully, it's a sense of quietness and peace in the soul.  God is giving us one day at a time, one experience, one trial, and softening the volume a bit.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.  Great is your faithfulness. 
Lamentations 3:22-23



  1. Faithfulness is one of the most beautiful words in our language. And one of the most beautiful things to observe, especially in the ones you love exquisitely. I love you, Mom

  2. We are sorry to hear of your return to the hospital. You have great perspective on it though. It looks like our visit tomorrow morning will need to be temporarily be put on hold - unless you could use some company at the hospital for a bit? I am open to whatever. Looking forward to wrapping my arms around you when we finally do get to meet up.

  3. We are as always praying for all of you.

  4. thinking of you guys. sorry to hear she is back in the hospital and hope that it goes fairly smoothly and quickly.

  5. We will be praying without ceasing for you. I agree that it is God's peace. I know how it can feel like you are almost too calm but your clarity is intact and you understand the depth of what is happening without the "standard" reaction. I pray He continues to provide your EVERY need. - Tina

    lilyana loves you.

  6. amazing...beautiful...a perfect example of God and His deep love for you. watching the word faithfulness come to life in each of you.

    praying without ceasing for you all.

  7. We haven't stopped praying... Even though we haven't been on the web site to find out about how Emma has been doing. We have had no internet (due to AT&T being SUPER slow). I am sitting in Starbucks right now checking in on e-mail and such. Sad to hear that Emma is back in the hospital, but my heart is lightened by your faithfulness, Rebecca.

    Can't wait to see you guys... We are officially neighbors. Can you believe it?? Ten years later, but the day has finally come.... :0) GOD IS GOOD!!!

  8. I am finally checking the bog and want you to know I have been quitely thinking and praying about you all since I first heard. I was looking at the flyer for the event yesterday and loving that we are all invited to shave our heads...mostly because just considering would we shave our heads makes us consider what it would be like to experience 1/100-th of what Emma Kait is going through. I am holding my kids closer and and I am trying to not let little "normal life" problems be important, since in perspective, they aren't real problems. Thank you to beautiful Emma Kait for being an inspiration for strength and faith. You are amazing and your family is too.
    Mrs. Doak


Our Emma Kait

Our Emma Kait

Listen to Emmas Playlist

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones